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Old 09-23-2006, 02:57 AM   #1
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Default I guess you could say I need some advice(kinda long and emo)

Lately, Ive been having some problems with my best friend, and I really dont know what to do about it, Ill give you a little backstory.

We actually originally met online when we were like 13? haha...good ol chatroom days. But anyway, when we were 16 we finally met in person, she only lived about an hour away from me at the time. Ever since then we've been best friends and we were extremely close. Ive never had a lot of friends, let alone good ones like that. We used to talk all the time, we talked literally almost every day, and it wasnt just me calling her, it was a mutual thing. Long story short, she quickly became a huge part of my life, she was the one I ran too when things got bad, the person I told everything too, what else can I say? She'* my best friend, the best one Ive ever had.

Until she graduated high school.......now she'* attending college in Manhattan, Kansas. She left here about this time in July, and since that time, on the phone we have probably talked about 15 minutes at most, and maybe had the occasional internet conversation. Its still a safe bet to say that the 45 minute conversation I had with her mom the end of August is far more time than ive spent talking to her in the past 2 months. Im almost ready to just give up trying, because its almost like she doesnt even care. I still call her a lot, she never answers her phone, she never calls me back, I e-mail her, message her on myspace, nothing....no reply. Its really just starting to tear me apart slowly, to go from having someone like that, thats just a part of my daily life, to having her completely gone. She would probably say "Zach you know im not gone, Im always here for you"...but really? Is she? If I actually needed to talk to her, what are the chances she would answer her effin phone?

She says shes always busy with homework, or working, which I understand, Im in college too. But then shes constantly posting new pics on either Facebook or Myspace of her hanging out with all her new friends. Im glad shes making new friends, that doesnt have anything to do with it really, I just feel really forgotten and kinda not important anymore.

I just dont know what to do anymore, part of me wants to just say screw it, but then the other part wants to try and cling to what little hope there is left of salvaging our relationship. I know its only been a couple months, but with the way things are going I'm not seeing it getting any better.

But anyway, I cant really seem to find anyone else to talk to about this right now, and I want to just get it off my chest a little. So any advice or comments would be appreciated.
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Old 09-23-2006, 03:02 AM   #2
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I sympathize for your situation. There are some really good advice givers on here!

I personally would stay in touch with her but start making your own life like she is doing. Things change even though we don't want them to. My son went through a similar situation and he lost the girl to one of his new friends and she married the dude and now she and Jeff hardly talk but they still talk on occasion. Hang in there. Someone with good advice should be along soon.
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Old 09-23-2006, 03:07 AM   #3
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Well I'm doing my best to make my own life, there'* just a giant part of it missing right now, and no matter how hard I try, no one else can fill the void shes left in my life right now.

I would think it would be exactly the same with her, but maybe she'* too busy to notice? Maybe she never meant half the things she said. I'm really starting to doubt what we had, which just makes it even worse, because all of a sudden, the fondest memories I have of the past 3 years suddenly just make me want to cry.

I mean everything that reminds me of her no longer makes me happy, the songs that remind me of her just make me upset, I look at our picture on the wall and get the same effect. I look at her favorite star in the sky and just kinda feel a little empty inside....see a pattern?
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Old 09-23-2006, 03:13 AM   #4
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feeling a little lost?

each of us is unique, she obviously added something meaningful to your life, but remember that she wasnt the ONLY thing meaningful in your life. People come and go, friendships sometimes ebb and flow, but you always have you, no matter what.

What if you gave yourself a break from things, short time, don't call her, start making some new friendships when you get your bearings back and go on? Whats the worst that could happen?
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Old 09-23-2006, 03:14 AM   #5
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I know things suck right now. I watched Jeff go through his "mourning" process. She was the one that stayed by his side when his dad died and was there for him throughout high school. She was on the phone to him all the time and he would call her alot also. Things happen for a reason and even though you don't know what she is thinking I wouldn't change the memories you have. I don't know her but you would know if she had a mean spirit or a falseness about her. She may just be wrapped up in school and work and new friends. She shouldn't forget about you but it could be like when you got a new toy as a kid -you would play with that toy and forget all the other cool toys you own. Eventually you will go back to your classic toys. You are her classic toy.

Only she knows. Only she has the answers you seek but I would give her space and let her make the next contact.
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Old 09-23-2006, 03:28 AM   #6
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It'* really hard to say because everybody is different. But what I've experienced in my own life is that people change a lot after high school and once they get out on their own and go to college. Most of my friends I had back in high school I don't really talk to all that much either. The friends I was close with in High School, I don't even see anymore oddly enough. We used to always do things, now it'* a very rare thing. (last time I saw manyof them was nearly 2 years ago.) It sucks, but life sometimes changes like that. It'll take time, but you're going to gain new friends as well. I'm not saying give up on her, but I am saying don't get your hopes up too high that she'* going to coem back. Graduation from high school and the start of college is a huge life change that we can't predict.
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Old 09-23-2006, 03:31 AM   #7
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I think feeling lost describes it pretty well. I know that friendships come and go, ive been down that road many times, but never with someone like her, I never thought we would be like this, distance was something that always hindered our relationship. I would only get to physically see her maybe a couple times a month? But we worked it out, we made the best out of the time we had together. I was closer to her than I have ever been with anyone, I know this sounds really sappy, but I really did pour my heart and soul into that relationship, I never held a thing back, all the love I could give I gave her, and oddly enough I always thought it was mutual, which is what made me cherish it so much, my relationships have always seemed very one-sided to me in the past, but with her it always seemed equal. I never in my wildest dreams thought it would be like this, I knew when she went to college that things would change, believe me I had quite the little freak-out session in the months prior to her leaving, and by the time she left I thought I was prepared to handle a change, but I had no idea it would be this drastic, I was prepared to talk to her less, to only see her on holidays, and to have to share what little time we would have together with her family, and her other friends...however I was not prepared to feel like im losing her entirely.

I am going to try and make her make the next move, but that in itself is harder to do than anything. Because I just constantly get overcome with "what if she doesnt make the next move?". Most people who know me would just say that its her loss if she doesnt. But I dont want it to be her loss, I dont want the term loss to be used concerning this at all. Most of the time when something like this happens with a friend I can just let go and hope for the best. But she'* different, I dont WANT to let go. I dont want to watch our relationship slip away.

Its just hard, thats all I can say, I do still have other friends though not very many, and even fewer that I would consider myself close too. Plus theyre all newer friends, who still dont know me all that well, its nice to be with someone who knows you all too well, who at a given moment can practically see inside your head. Ive put a lot of work and more importantly laid my heart on the line for our relationship. I dont want to let it go.

Anyway...keep the replies coming, thanks for your support as well.
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Old 09-23-2006, 03:40 AM   #8
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Look at it this way, you poured your heart and soul into it, now you know what you are capable of, right?

Sometimes, things just change, doesnt make it easier though. Just don't stop trusting and giving, as well as being receptive to RECEIVE blessings from loved ones in your life. The stronger you are, the MORE you need the support from those around you, in a sense anyways.

ask yourself what events and feelings that YOU have control over right now. THEN take into account that its late at night/early morning, and things can sometimes seem worse at this hour than when its daylight. Not sure why, but its always rang true for me.

what would happen if you accept how you feel RIGHT NOW, without giving yourself permission to get stuck in a rut about it?
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Old 09-23-2006, 05:10 AM   #9
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Sorry to hear this dude
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Old 09-23-2006, 07:38 AM   #10
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well here is my little advice to you I got married at a young age and I thought I knew her but you know ppl change. You will go one way and get your degree in what ever and she will get her'*. I had a friend like yours only it was a guy friend and we used to hang out all the time but you know life changes and he got married too and I got divorced and then I get sent to Iraq and now I am back and I am with this girl I met online too. Things have changed but I wouldn't trade all that I have learned and experienced for a little piece of paper that says I'm smart. Any more the diploma doesn't guarantee a good job. well sorry for the rant but take life as it comes. I would not trade anything I have or know today for anything. Be patient and remember that women are strange and elusive creatures.If she brushes you off just think of the good memories and then find someone to hang with and kinda fill the void.
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