step 1: spraypaint him black

step 2: sharpen his nails.

step 3: put him on a strick no-carb diet

step 4 (after he'* lost 60 pounds): put him on a strict rare red-meat only diet.

step 5: teach him to hunt in the wild, thereby weening him from the crappy food he'* being fed at the zoo.

step 6: put him on a no-food diet.

step 7 (after a week of no-food): release him at an elementary school playground.



for those about to rock . . . we salute you.

by popular demand, the following instructions are how to make a barney rock:

step 1: paralyze him (take your pick: drugs, broken neck, death, etc . . .)

step 2: put him in a pit

step 3: cover him with concrete.

you now have your very own barney rock.

Make sure you get the keys for 8ball from him before you bury him

he stole the keys to 8 ball?!?!

Yes I did, and don't make me break out the evil Barney again.