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Old 05-22-2006, 02:54 PM   #1
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Default How To Get A Better Job

When you're a kid, your parents tell you to study hard and go to a good college so you can get a good job. That is complete BS.

If you want to get a good job, you simply need to follow a little bit of advice.

Kiss a lot of ***.

Seriously. Metaphorically, sure...but literally couldn't hurt. Kissing up is always a good idea, but blackmail is even more effective.

When your boss is aware that you have a few choice secrets hanging over him, promotion is almost guaranteed.

Of course, that means a whole new boss which is a brand new *** to kiss. And so it goes.

Be shallow. While regular people admire a large personality that is full of vim and vigor, employers are looking for a person who will agree with them. This is when you need to be shallow and fake as hell.

You won't respect yourself, but you can buy some respect with that fat new paycheck.

Step on everyone. When that widow with two kids has to take a week off because one of her children has chicken pox, make sure to remind your boss how you haven't missed a day in two years.

And then tell everyone in the office that the widow only has her job because she is screwing the boss. Never hesitate to gossip and slander others, even if you have to make some of it up.

In short, how do you get what you want in life? Forget everything those motivational crackheads say. Lie. Cheat. Steal. That'* how you get what you want.

Oh yeah...and kiss a lot of ***. That helps, too.
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Old 05-22-2006, 03:03 PM   #2
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My dad is a certified CNC machinist and programmer, and he has no High school diploma, and he makes 70-80k a year.
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Old 05-22-2006, 03:05 PM   #3
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...and your point is???? That may work for some jobs but in my job it does not. In my current job, I represent the FAA and I deal with those types of people a lot. My job is to deal with people like that on a daily basis. Even the CEO of the company can't tell me how and what final decision to make. The problem is that someday you will find a person with authority that will put a stop to all that B.*.; and always people like that fall on their sword.

Understand that I do work with many great tech type people that many times know more than the engineers; I do enjoy working with them since they are the bolt and nut types with lots of hands-on experience. The part I do not tolerate is the butt-kissing part to move up and also the extortion part. If your Boss is doing something unethical, just blow the whistle on him. Not doing so, you are as guilty as he is and you can be considered an accomplice. At my place of work, the accomplice is as guilty and the one that does the bad deed.
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Old 05-22-2006, 03:22 PM   #4
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hu·mor Pronunciation Key (hymr)
n.

1. The quality that makes something laughable or amusing; funniness: could not see the humor of the situation.
2. That which is intended to induce laughter or amusement: a writer skilled at crafting humor.
3. The ability to perceive, enjoy, or express what is amusing, comical, incongruous, or absurd.


Come on.. MOS was just makin a funny. Don't take that seriously guys.
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Old 05-22-2006, 03:34 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mortehl
hu·mor Pronunciation Key (hymr)
n.

1. The quality that makes something laughable or amusing; funniness: could not see the humor of the situation.
2. That which is intended to induce laughter or amusement: a writer skilled at crafting humor.
3. The ability to perceive, enjoy, or express what is amusing, comical, incongruous, or absurd.


Come on.. MOS was just makin a funny. Don't take that seriously guys.
At least somebody got it....

Just having one of them days at work.

"Your productivity seems to be a bit down today"
"Well, if the freakin' machines would quit crashing and dumping drivers and whatnot I'd get a lot more done"
"Well, fix them then."
(In my mind only) - "Why the #^**@!!! do you think my productivity is down!?!?! I been back there all morning fighting with those thrice damned machines!!! If you had a clue, you'd freakin' lose it, eat it, or stick up your nose, wouldn't ya??!!"
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Old 05-22-2006, 03:43 PM   #6
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See, now I find the real frustration part of this post even funnier.... : especially when put in context of the original post.

The truth about humor is that humans find other'* pain and discomfort amusing. Sad but true! I know that I do.
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Old 05-22-2006, 04:04 PM   #7
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I dont kiss anyones *** and NEVER will!! Just something I wont do even if it means a better job and being liked by higher superiors!!




For those of you who are good at it, heres your Medal. LMAO



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Old 05-22-2006, 04:09 PM   #8
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Okay...I get it...it is also one of those days for me too...
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Old 05-22-2006, 04:16 PM   #9
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And even funnier is that Mos was recently promoted to a higher *** kisser position.
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Old 05-22-2006, 04:19 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BillBoost37
And even funnier is that Mos was recently promoted to a higher A$$ kisser position.
Actually is was more of a "lateral move". But as of last week, I apparently report to a new boss. No one bothered to tell me of course.
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