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Old 02-03-2008, 02:39 AM   #1
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Default how to f*** with a telemarketer :)

saw it elsewhere, figured you guys here would LOVE this

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer.

I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this:

Me: (swallowing) Hello

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. - please?

Me: May I ask who is calling?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

Me: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Is this Mr. -?

Me: May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. -?

Me: Yes, is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: The phone company?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.

Me: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. -.

Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested," but this lady was persistent.

AT&T: Mr. -, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate." I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.

Me: Now, that'* 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?

AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir, that'* right! 24 hours a day!

Me: 7 days a week?

AT&T: That'* right.

Me: 365 days a year?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That'* amazing!

AT&T: We think so!

Me: That'* quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes sir, it'* amazing how it adds up.

Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?

Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about?

Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......

Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.

AT&T: No sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....

Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!

AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.

Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?

AT&T: What?

Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!

AT&T: Yes Mr. -. Please hold.

So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:

Supervisor: Mr. -?

Me: Yeth?

Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.

Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?

Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello Mr. -, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?

Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...

AT&T: *click*
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Old 02-03-2008, 02:51 AM   #2
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I'm really surprised more telemarketers don't kill themselves....strong minded folk they are.
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Old 02-03-2008, 02:58 AM   #3
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LOL.

I almost look forward to talking to them because I mess with them.
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Old 02-03-2008, 03:15 AM   #4
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yeah i was a phone salesperson for omaha steaks and it sucked. It pays really good with flexible hours but the high pressure sales pitches and prying people to get them to buy was total bull. Now I just mess with them for a little bit and when I can hear the frustration in their voice tell them to take me off their calling list.
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Old 02-03-2008, 03:26 AM   #5
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I don't think anyone wants to be a telemarketer... in this economy, sometimes you just need a effin job. I think a no thanks is enough?
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Old 02-03-2008, 03:32 AM   #6
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Where I worked we were only allowed to take them off the list if they asked specifically. Otherwsie they just get put down as a denial and get a call again in two weeks. The training they give you when you start is all about third attempts and fourth attempts and prying to find out what the customer wants. I hate pushy salespeople who don't know jack about what they're selling and that'* exactly what I was doing to people. Telemarketing does suck.
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Old 02-03-2008, 10:54 AM   #7
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Most are not even from America, nor do they know were America even is :(

Gotta love the job market
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Old 02-03-2008, 11:00 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tripscarcare95
Most are not even from America, nor do they know were America even is :(

Gotta love the job market
Well, Id say that most of "them" know where America is, especially call centers in India and places like that. Sad to say it, but most of them are more educated than we are, especially in grade school and the like.

But I agree its a sucky job, but I do hear it pays well, I try to just either let the answering machine pick up the phone, or politely say no. Although there have been times where Ive just gotten sick of them. I hate especially the ones that call for my parents, and wont even tell me where they are calling from, but that its "an important business matter" between them and my parents.
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Old 02-03-2008, 11:16 AM   #9
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IF they accept a simple "no" then I would leave it at that. However, I always get the ones that call and are pushey and rude



Anyone ever hear of Tom Mabe? Funny stuff, check out this link for some of his CD: Tom Mabe Revenge on the Telemarketers.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=8DTmSa2nfmA
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Old 02-03-2008, 11:34 AM   #10
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Telemarketer: Hello sir, I'm calling about....
Me: Oh hey, I'm glad you called! Do you know anything about hamsters?
Telemarketer:.....um, what?
Me: You know, HAMSTERS. Little furry rodents, make pretty good pets. Or they would, if they didn't keep getting out of their cage. Shoot, now where'd that little sucker go?
Telemarketer: The reason I called is that....
Me: Oh holy cow, the stupid thing is on the kitchen counter!
Telemarketer: What is?
Me: The hamster! Hey come here little.....oh crud, he jumped into the garbage disposal. Lemme turn the light on.....
(Sound of garbage disposal ripping into hamster body)
Me: OH GOD NO!!! OH NO, OH GOD NO!!!!
Telemarketer: Sir? Sir?
Me: OH GOD THERE'* BLOOD AND FUR EVERYWHERE!!!!
Telemarketer: Sir? What happened?
Me: It shredded him, oh GOD, he'* dead. Oh no, there'* blood all over me and.....hmmmm, that'* actually pretty tasty!
Telemarketer: WHAT?!?!
Me: Well, waste not, want not. Any idea how many calories a hamster is? Hello? Hello?
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