Has anyone heard from GXP Venom?
Senior Member
Certified Car Nut
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 15,408
Likes: 1
From: Robbinsdale, MN
Originally Posted by GXP Venom
You Might Be From A Small Town IN IOWA
You can name everyone you graduated with.
You know what 4-H is.
You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a
dirt road.
Your idea of a FUN weekend was riding around parking lots because that was where EVERYBODY went.
Your idea of an EXCITING weekend was watching a fight in the parking lot.
You swore at someone and your parents knew within the hour.
You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.
School gets canceled for city, county, or state events.
You were ever in the Homecoming parade.
You have ever gone home for Homecoming.
Everyone thought it was really cool to date someone from the
neighboring town.
You had senior skip day.
The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
You don't give directions by street names, but something more like,
"Turn right by Nelson'* house, go two blocks east past Anderson'*, and it'* four houses left of the track field."
The country club golf course had only 9 holes. (Or there wasn't even one.)
You can't help but date a friend'* ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the "rich
people".
The people in the city dress funny, then your town picks up on the
trend a few years later.
You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.
Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the Feed Store.
You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.
The football coach suggested that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
Directions are given using "the" stoplight as a reference.
The city council meets at the coffee shop.
Your "letter jacket" was worn after your 19th birthday.
You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride.
Your teachers call you by your older siblings' names.
Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.
The closest Taco Bell or Burger King is at least 30 miles away.
So is the closest shopping mall.
It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn
mower.
You laugh your butt off reading this because you know they're all
true.
You can name everyone you graduated with.
You know what 4-H is.
You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a
dirt road.
Your idea of a FUN weekend was riding around parking lots because that was where EVERYBODY went.
Your idea of an EXCITING weekend was watching a fight in the parking lot.
You swore at someone and your parents knew within the hour.
You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.
School gets canceled for city, county, or state events.
You were ever in the Homecoming parade.
You have ever gone home for Homecoming.
Everyone thought it was really cool to date someone from the
neighboring town.
You had senior skip day.
The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
You don't give directions by street names, but something more like,
"Turn right by Nelson'* house, go two blocks east past Anderson'*, and it'* four houses left of the track field."
The country club golf course had only 9 holes. (Or there wasn't even one.)
You can't help but date a friend'* ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the "rich
people".
The people in the city dress funny, then your town picks up on the
trend a few years later.
You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.
Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the Feed Store.
You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.
The football coach suggested that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
Directions are given using "the" stoplight as a reference.
The city council meets at the coffee shop.
Your "letter jacket" was worn after your 19th birthday.
You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride.
Your teachers call you by your older siblings' names.
Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.
The closest Taco Bell or Burger King is at least 30 miles away.
So is the closest shopping mall.
It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn
mower.
You laugh your butt off reading this because you know they're all
true.
Administratus Emeritus
Certified Car Nut
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 16,539
Likes: 18
From: Purgatory, Pennsylvania
Wasnt trying to bother ya BlackBird..... jes having some fun. My wife'* family is from Des Moines and I always loved the area but I hear it'* gone "gansta" like most Metropolitan areas..........THANK GOD for places like East Jesus where the only rap you hear is from the Pileated Woodpeckers.
A lot of those hit pretty damn close to home to boot!
Administratus Emeritus
Certified Car Nut
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 16,539
Likes: 18
From: Purgatory, Pennsylvania
Iowa Jokes
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Iowa: Just east of Omaha
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Iowa: It'* easy to spell
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dumb Iowa Laws
Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.
One-armed piano players must perform for free.
A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.
Dubuque
Any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.
Indianola
The "Ice Cream Man" and his truck are banned.
Fort Madison
The fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.
Marshalltown
Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants
Ottumwa
Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Iowa: Just east of Omaha
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Iowa: It'* easy to spell
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dumb Iowa Laws
Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.
One-armed piano players must perform for free.
A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.
Dubuque
Any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.
Indianola
The "Ice Cream Man" and his truck are banned.
Fort Madison
The fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.
Marshalltown
Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants
Ottumwa
Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.
Senior Member
True Car Nut
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,030
Likes: 2
From: Central Florida
Those were all good laughs. And you know...those sound a lot like many other small towns people grew up in. Me for instance, lol.
Don't say you had to eat crow unless you really know what crow tastes like...
Don't say you had to eat crow unless you really know what crow tastes like...
Senior Member
Certified Car Nut
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 15,408
Likes: 1
From: Robbinsdale, MN
Originally Posted by lash
Those were all good laughs. And you know...those sound a lot like many other small towns people grew up in. Me for instance, lol.
Don't say you had to eat crow unless you really know what crow tastes like...
Don't say you had to eat crow unless you really know what crow tastes like...
Administratus Emeritus
Certified Car Nut
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 16,539
Likes: 18
From: Purgatory, Pennsylvania
YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN A SMALL TOWN WHEN...
* The "road hog" in front of you on Main Street is a farmer'* combine.
* The local phone book has only one yellow page.
* Third Street is on the edge of town.
* You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the cafe, and when you go back the next day, it'* still there, on the same chair.
* You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going, anyway.
* No social events can be scheduled when the school gym floor is being varnished.
* You call a wrong number and they supply you with the correct one.
* Everyone knows all the news before it'* published; they just read the hometown paper to see whether the publisher got it right.
* The city limits signs are both on the same post!
* The City jail is called amoeba, because it only has one cell.
* The McDonalds only has one Golden Arch.
* The 7-11 is a 3 1/2 - 5 1/2.
* The one-block-long Main Street dead ends in both directions.
* The phone book has only one page.
* There'* nothing doing every minute.
* The ZIP code is a fraction.
* Second Street is in the next town over.
* There'* no place to go that you shouldn't.
* A "Night on the Town" takes only 11 minutes.
* The mayor had to annex property to eat a foot-long hot dog.
* The New Year'* baby was born in October.
* The "road hog" in front of you on Main Street is a farmer'* combine.
* The local phone book has only one yellow page.
* Third Street is on the edge of town.
* You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the cafe, and when you go back the next day, it'* still there, on the same chair.
* You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going, anyway.
* No social events can be scheduled when the school gym floor is being varnished.
* You call a wrong number and they supply you with the correct one.
* Everyone knows all the news before it'* published; they just read the hometown paper to see whether the publisher got it right.
* The city limits signs are both on the same post!
* The City jail is called amoeba, because it only has one cell.
* The McDonalds only has one Golden Arch.
* The 7-11 is a 3 1/2 - 5 1/2.
* The one-block-long Main Street dead ends in both directions.
* The phone book has only one page.
* There'* nothing doing every minute.
* The ZIP code is a fraction.
* Second Street is in the next town over.
* There'* no place to go that you shouldn't.
* A "Night on the Town" takes only 11 minutes.
* The mayor had to annex property to eat a foot-long hot dog.
* The New Year'* baby was born in October.
Senior Member
True Car Nut
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 5,242
Likes: 0
From: Elberton, GA
Originally Posted by GXP Venom
YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN A SMALL TOWN WHEN...
* The "road hog" in front of you on Main Street is a farmer'* combine.
* You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the cafe, and when you go back the next day, it'* still there, on the same chair.
* You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going, anyway.
* You call a wrong number and they supply you with the correct one.
* Everyone knows all the news before it'* published; they just read the hometown paper to see whether the publisher got it right.
* The City jail is called amoeba, because it only has one cell.
* A "Night on the Town" takes only 11 minutes.
* The "road hog" in front of you on Main Street is a farmer'* combine.
* You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the cafe, and when you go back the next day, it'* still there, on the same chair.
* You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going, anyway.
* You call a wrong number and they supply you with the correct one.
* Everyone knows all the news before it'* published; they just read the hometown paper to see whether the publisher got it right.
* The City jail is called amoeba, because it only has one cell.
* A "Night on the Town" takes only 11 minutes.
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