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Old 03-03-2006, 11:01 PM   #1
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Default guy'* rules *official version*

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. FINALLY, the guy'* side of the story. (I must admit, It'* pretty good). We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the males side. These are our rules! Please not, they are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it'* up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It'* like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptible to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That'* what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria'* Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interperated two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit and not a color. Pumpkin is also fruit. We have no idea what mauve or chartreuse is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing'* wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, REALLY.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about, unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, cars, the shotgun formation, golf, or something sexual.
1. You have enough clothes, you have to many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape.
1. We understand that mind changing is something you will do, but there is no need to tell us your answer until you have already changed it three times.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch but did you know men really don't mind that? It'* like camping.
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Old 03-03-2006, 11:18 PM   #2
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Ok, this has been printed, and stuck to the fridge... Yes, the wife is going to shoot me when she gets home.. and if I'm lucky, she will literally shoot me! LOL
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Old 03-03-2006, 11:21 PM   #3
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Its real simple: The wife read this with me and her first comment was, "Yeah this was written by a guy. He mispelled note in the first sentence."
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Old 03-04-2006, 12:11 AM   #4
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Funny stuff! I liked this one (well all of them too)
Quote:
If something we said can be interperated two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
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Old 03-04-2006, 12:12 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mortehl
Its real simple: The wife read this with me and her first comment was, "Yeah this was written by a guy. He mispelled note in the first sentence."
Out of 500,000 words I just typed, she picked out 1?
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Old 03-04-2006, 02:08 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mortehl
Its real simple: The wife read this with me and her first comment was, "Yeah this was written by a guy. He mispelled note in the first sentence."
Too bad "note" isn't in the first sentence.
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Old 03-04-2006, 03:57 AM   #7
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lmao
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Old 03-04-2006, 02:20 PM   #8
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You are not married are you
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Old 03-04-2006, 06:25 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PontiacMom
You are not married are you
Nope. Engaged was as close to hell as i got
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Old 03-04-2006, 08:21 PM   #10
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one thing that i learned early on in life is that a woman(whether wife or mother) is not happy, NOBODY is happy
my mom is really laid back and goes with the flow but when she asks for something, she expects to get it
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