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Old 01-12-2006, 11:40 AM   #1
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Default TO GOD - FROM THE DOG:

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID'*, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can I eat the cats' food before they eat it?
Can I roll on dead fish, seagulls, crabs, etc., because I like the way they smell?
Can I use the sofa as a 'face towel'.. and Mom and Dad'* laps.

Dear God: Help me remember the things that make me a "good" dog - such as:

1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

2. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

3. I will not bite the officer'* hand when he reaches in for Mom'* driver'* license and registration.

4. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad'* underwear when he'* on the toilet.

5. Sticking my nose into someone'* crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".

6. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

7. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

8. I will not throw up in the car.

9. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.

10. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it'* usually not a good thing.

Thank you,
the Dog
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Old 01-12-2006, 11:49 AM   #2
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Default Re: TO GOD - FROM THE DOG:

Quote:
Originally Posted by MOS95B

Dear God: Help me remember the things that make me a "good" dog - such as:

1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

2. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

3. I will not bite the officer'* hand when he reaches in for Mom'* driver'* license and registration.

4. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad'* underwear when he'* on the toilet.

5. Sticking my nose into someone'* crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".

6. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

7. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

8. I will not throw up in the car.

9. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.

10. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it'* usually not a good thing.

Thank you,
the Dog
It'* about time you men realized this sh*t!!!!
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Old 01-12-2006, 11:50 AM   #3
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Default Re: TO GOD - FROM THE DOG:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Melissa
Quote:
Originally Posted by MOS95B

Dear God: Help me remember the things that make me a "good" dog - such as:

1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

2. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

3. I will not bite the officer'* hand when he reaches in for Mom'* driver'* license and registration.

4. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad'* underwear when he'* on the toilet.

5. Sticking my nose into someone'* crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".

6. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

7. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

8. I will not throw up in the car.

9. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.

10. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it'* usually not a good thing.

Thank you,
the Dog
It'* about time you men realized this sh*t!!!!
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Old 01-12-2006, 11:53 AM   #4
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Default Re: TO GOD - FROM THE DOG:

Quote:
Originally Posted by MOS95B
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melissa
Quote:
Originally Posted by MOS95B

Dear God: Help me remember the things that make me a "good" dog - such as:

1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

2. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

3. I will not bite the officer'* hand when he reaches in for Mom'* driver'* license and registration.

4. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad'* underwear when he'* on the toilet.

5. Sticking my nose into someone'* crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".

6. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

7. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

8. I will not throw up in the car.

9. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.

10. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it'* usually not a good thing.

Thank you,
the Dog
It'* about time you men realized this sh*t!!!!
Wow nothing to say huh?! Come on I know you have more in you!
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Old 01-12-2006, 12:10 PM   #5
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Are you sure you want to get him going?

Women
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Old 01-12-2006, 12:12 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BillBoost37
Are you sure you want to get him going?

Women
There isn't much you can say to that! But if he has something, I'm dying to hear what it is!!! I'm not tyring to be mean here so you guys know :P
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Old 01-12-2006, 12:15 PM   #7
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He'll probably "show" you instead of telling you.

John..seems to me she'* screaming for "attention"
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Old 01-12-2006, 12:20 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BillBoost37
He'll probably "show" you instead of telling you.

John..seems to me she'* screaming for "attention"
I get attention when I want w/ Chad! He'* not stingey... guess once you get older you just don't know how to work things anymore or you forget!!!
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Old 01-12-2006, 12:21 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Melissa
Quote:
Originally Posted by BillBoost37
He'll probably "show" you instead of telling you.

John..seems to me she'* screaming for "attention"
I get attention when I want w/ Chad! He'* not stingey... guess once you get older you just don't know how to work things anymore or you forget!!!
You don't understand...

John...Insert "attention" here...lol
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Old 01-12-2006, 12:23 PM   #10
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BillBoost37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melissa
Quote:
Originally Posted by BillBoost37
He'll probably "show" you instead of telling you.

John..seems to me she'* screaming for "attention"
I get attention when I want w/ Chad! He'* not stingey... guess once you get older you just don't know how to work things anymore or you forget!!!
You don't understand...

John...Insert "attention" here...lol
Fiiiiine. Whatever... ya lazy bastard......




remember, this was Bill'* idea.....
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