Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buying her flowers.
The Redhead sighs and says: "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says: "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"
The redhead replies: "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says: ....."Don't you have a vase?"

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence

To prepare for his big date, the young man went on top of the roof of his apartment building in order to get a little color for himself.

Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.

Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get sunburned on his "tool of trade".

Being very determined the young man decided not to miss his date because it was with a hot blonde. So, he decided to put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze, feeling this should resolve his painful situation.

The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home-cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie.

During the movie, however, the young man'* sunburn started acting up.

After several minutes of extreme discomfort he asked to be excused, went to the kitchen, and poured a tall, cold glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.

The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his johnson immersed in a glass of milk.

Baffled the blonde exclaimed, "So, THAT'* how you load those things!"

OMG! That one made me fall out of my chair. Wow...

Gotta admit, that one worked for me...LMAO.

This blonde was sitting at the table with her husband eating breakfast before he went to work. Out of the blue, the blonde says,"Honey today while your at work I am goning to paint the house."

The husband says "No, no dear don't paint the house because then when I come home from work I will just have to clean everything up, just please don't do it."
So the husband went to work and when he came home the house smelled like paint.

Looking for his wife, he went up to their bedroom, and he saw his wife laying on the floor with 2 winter coats on and sweating to death. He ran over to her and said, "Honey, honey what'* wrong? Why on earth are you wearing these coats and sweating to death?"

She got up and grabbed the paint can, went over to her husband and said, "Well look at the can dummy. It says, 'for best results put on 2 coats!'"

Two blondes walk into a bar


Figures....

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing
construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor
of a building. They were eating lunch and the
Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get
corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch,
I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed,
"Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm
going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again!
If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm
jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw
corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and
jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and
jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman'* wife was weeping. She
said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned
beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him
again!"

The Mexican'* wife also wept and said, "I could have
given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he
hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde'* wife. The
blonde'* wife said, "Don't look at me. The idiot
makes his own lunch."

A blonde walks into an appliance store and says " I want to buy this t.v."
the salesman says "sorry, but we don't sell that t.v. to blondes"
the next day, she walks in again and says "I want to buy this t.v."
the salesman again says "sorry, but we don't sell that t.v. to blondes"
a few days later, the blonde colors her hair brunette...
she walkes back into the store again and says "I want to buy this t.v."
again the salesman says "sorry, we don't sell this t.v. to blondes"

bewildered, she asks the salesman "how did you know I am a blonde?"
the salesman says "because that'* not a t.v., it is a microwave"






A blonde is driving down the road listening to a segment about dumb blondes on the radio.

A short while later, she looks in a field off to her left and sees another blonde, in a canoe, in the middle of a field, just rowing away. She slams on the brakes and pulls off the road, gets out of her car and yells "You know, it is stupid blondes like you that give smart blondes like me a bad reputation..... If I could swim, I would come out there and kick your ***"