A marine has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, his wife goes to the vet to see of he can help. The vet tells her to tie a ribbon around the dog'* ********* and he will stop snoring. "Yea right!" she says.
A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog'* *********. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring! The woman is amazed.

Later that night, her Marine husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him. So, she goes to the closet again and grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband'* *********. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.

In the morning, the marine wakes up from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog'* *********.

He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we were ... or what we did ... but, by God, we took first and second place!"

There'* a Scottish jingle that is something like that, only without the dog or a second place.
Good none-the-less.

If you had changed wife to girlfriend and Marine to Ex-Marine,it could have been a story about West Coast Bill



I'm prolly gonna get banned for that one but,I thought it was funny

I woke up with a Medal of Honor tied around my ********* once. What does that mean?








































I have big feet?

It was probably just an April Fool'* joke

Bill- it means YOU da man

It just means you got really drunk and couldn't find your thong.