disorder in the court - GM Forum - Buick, Cadillac, Chev, Olds, GMC & Pontiac chat


Lounge For casual talk about things unrelated to General Motors. In other words, off-topic stuff. And anything else that does not fit Section Description.

Reply
 
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-22-2006, 11:35 AM   #1
Junior Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Purgatory
Posts: 0
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
harofreak00 is on a distinguished road
Default disorder in the court

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he'* twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________

And the best for last

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
harofreak00 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2006, 12:11 PM   #2
Senior Member
True Car Nut
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Right in front of you
Posts: 7,965
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
SSE14U24ME is on a distinguished road
Default

Those are too hilarious!!!! I enjoyed those very much!!! I'll have to copy that and give it to my district attorney buddy.
SSE14U24ME is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2006, 11:35 PM   #3
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 0
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
jwakamud is on a distinguished road
Default

lmao. lovin it. and i believe every word.
jwakamud is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2006, 11:52 PM   #4
Senior Member
Posts like a Northstar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Georgetown, Ontario
Posts: 679
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Baileyjack is on a distinguished road
Default

Great Andrew.. Laughed my butt off
Baileyjack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2006, 12:43 AM   #5
Junior Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Purgatory
Posts: 0
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
harofreak00 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baileyjack
Great Andrew.. Laughed my butt off
careful now
harofreak00 is offline   Reply With Quote
 
 
Reply

Related Topics
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
U.S polygamist community faces rare genetic disorder... BonnevilleLErocks Lounge 14 06-14-2007 02:05 PM
Yet another case of BDD (Beating Deficit Disorder) MOS95B Lounge 2 03-30-2004 08:50 PM
Another child with BDD (Beating Deficit Disorder) MOS95B Lounge 1 03-21-2004 03:30 AM
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder ... MOS95B Lounge 2 11-15-2003 03:06 PM
Disorder in the Court MOS95B Lounge 5 11-03-2003 11:36 AM


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:35 PM.


We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.