Cynic's Guide to Life - GM Forum - Buick, Cadillac, Chev, Olds, GMC & Pontiac chat


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Old 02-10-2006, 10:25 AM   #1
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Default Cynic'* Guide to Life

1. Follow your dream! Unless it'* the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

2. Always take time to stop and smell the roses and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.

3. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.

4. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That'* why the highway department made so many of them.

5. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.

6. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor'* dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

7. It'* always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor'* newspaper, that'* the time to do it.

8. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.

9. Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group and the "What-ever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is" group.

10. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.

11. Just remember: You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor'* car!

12. When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn.

13. This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That'* the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.

14. It'* a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

15. Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel, it'* a lot cheaper than plastic surgery.

16. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

17. Love is like a roller coaster: When it'* good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't you can't wait to throw up.
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Old 02-10-2006, 10:43 AM   #2
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Good ones

Not cynical, but - "When I think of you, I feel good in my heart, and another place I cannot mention."
(not meaning the original thread starter)
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Old 02-10-2006, 12:44 PM   #3
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Default Re: Cynic'* Guide to Life

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2000SilverBullet
1. Follow your dream! Unless it'* the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

2. Always take time to stop and smell the roses and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.

3. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.

4. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That'* why the highway department made so many of them.

5. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.

6. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor'* dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

7. It'* always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor'* newspaper, that'* the time to do it.

8. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.

9. Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group and the "What-ever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is" group.

10. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.

11. Just remember: You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor'* car!

12. When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn.

13. This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That'* the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.

14. It'* a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

15. Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel, it'* a lot cheaper than plastic surgery.

16. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

17. Love is like a roller coaster: When it'* good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't you can't wait to throw up.
So it is written

So it shall be....
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Old 02-10-2006, 12:54 PM   #4
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You hit the nail on the head!! Those are great
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