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Old 03-17-2006, 06:51 AM   #1
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Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well," he explained, "the restaurant'* owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and
save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter'* fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?" "Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent.

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."
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Old 03-17-2006, 09:49 AM   #2
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Liquor Warning Labels

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA'* suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties..

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster, and better looking than most people..

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcahol may Mack you tink you kan tipe reel goood.
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Old 03-17-2006, 09:58 AM   #3
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Good One, PDad! :

and, Black, that'* one of the best hijacks I've seen recently! The joke was good though...
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Old 03-17-2006, 10:05 AM   #4
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Quote:
Black, that'* one of the best hijacks I've seen recently

I'm sorry!! I didnt realize I hijacked anything. I just thought since someone started a post on Jokes, I would just add one. Isnt that how it goes? I dunno
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Old 03-17-2006, 10:10 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BLACK94SSEi
Quote:
Black, that'* one of the best hijacks I've seen recently

I'm sorry!! I didnt realize I hijacked anything. I just thought since someone started a post on Jokes, I would just add one. Isnt that how it goes? I dunno
You know, it'* the lounge and the rules are a little more flex from my experience. Unless PDad objects, I would guess it to be OK. Sometimes threads just go like that. Other times no.

Anyway, I was just busting your chops...lol.
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Old 03-17-2006, 10:31 AM   #6
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Quote:
Anyway, I was just busting your chops...lol.
I know, I just dont wanna step on anyones toes. Sometimes I sit here and think and think some more, and then go back to edit and then re-think and then re-edit.....you dont know how many posts I have started to reply to then just ended up deleting them since none of it made any sense after I REALLY thought about it. Just look at my posts........almost all of them are edited LMAO.............

I have to say though, I found the "preview" button and am learning how to use it
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