To : ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd at Luigi'* Open Pit Barbecue. There will be
lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ...
feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up
dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts
among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be
over $10.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis Human Resources Director


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December 2nd

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

In no way was yesterday'* memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that
often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year).
However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time.
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty Lewis Human Resources Director
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December 3rd

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate
this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that
reads, "AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget
about the gifts exchange-- no gifts will be allowed since the union
members feel that $10 is too much money.

Patty Lewis Human Researchers Director
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December 7th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
with the gay men; each will have their own table. Yes, there will be
a flower arrangement for the gay men'* table.

Happy now?

Patty Lewis Human Racehorses Director
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December 9th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to
play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be
"Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red
suit."

Patty Lewis Human Ratraces
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December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this
party at Luigi'* Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just
sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it,
and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But,
you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.? They scream when you slice
them. I've heard them scream.? I'm hearing them right now... Ha!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear
me?

The Bitch from Hell
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December 14th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward
your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has
decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon
of the 23rd off with full pay.

Terri Bishop Acting Human Resources Director

wow that was a really good one!

Very good.....we have 3 Christmas parties we are going to this weekend.......

This must be Patty Lewis

There was a committee meeting called at Purdue to discuss naming the tree in the Union Building the Union Tree or the Christmas Tree.

Christmas Tree was actually chosen this year, believe it or not. Last year it was "holiday tree"

hmm interesting...also the white house has a christmas tree this year, first year in 10 years and before it was called a holiday tree

Its about time the vast majority outspoke the whiney minority!