If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines, one year ago, you will have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today. But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beerone year ago,drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $120.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.

It'* called the 401-Keg



New Stock Market Terms


CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET - a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER - What my financial planner has made me.
STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who'* now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT - an archaic word no longer in use.

The sad thing is I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry at this. I've been watching my 401(k) swirl down the drain and have moved them to safe areas, but am only getting 2.5 to 3% average returns.

Looks like the early out at 58 might not be happening and my next career as a WalMart greeter will have to go on hold.

Join the club, and pick me up an application at Walmart to. We've lost 40% in our growth fund and hoping the bottom is here. Glad for the IRA CD'*. Soon to mature, which sucks. I wont find 4.81 again.