'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
No food was a-stirrin',
Not even a mouse.

Stockings were hung round
Dad'* neck like a tie,
Along with a note that said,
"Presents or die."

Children were plotting
All night in their beds,
While the wife'* constant whining
Was splitting his head.

But daddy had money
This year in the bank,
Then they closed up early,
And now dad'* in a tank.

All of a sudden,
Santa appeared,
A sneer on his face,
Booze in his beard.

"Santa," I said,
As he laughed merrily,
"You do so much for others,
Do something for me."

"Bundy," he said,
"You only sell shoes,
Your son is a sneak thief,
Your daughter'* a floose."

"Ho ho," Santa said,
"Should I mention your wife?
Her hair'* like an A-bomb,
Her nails like a knife."

He climbs up the chimney,
That fat piece of dung,
He mooned me two times,
He stuck out his tongue.

I heard him exclaim,
As he broke wind with glee,
"You're married with children,
You'll never be free."