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Old 02-06-2003, 10:06 PM   #1
Burgundy_Boat
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Default Poor little imports...

This This reminds me of days gone by when I was living in Montana and drivin' an old station wagon. I'd been reading about how sturdy imports {switch to present tense as I take you on a ride in my past]{doooodlado, doooooodlado, dooooooodlado} are supposed to be. I guess people are thinkin' that these cars can really stand up. Well, ya'all, Sidgeon just doesn't believe it, and set himself out to prove ya'all wrong. Now don't get ornery, lemme just tell you about my experience with imports.

I know it ain't true about imports, and I also know that my old Chevy wagon with a 350 4 barrell is much tougher than any damned Honda or Toyota.

I headed down to the local strip and came across this group of whipper snappers in pretty colored, and ultra lowered rice grinders. One Honda Civic, one Honda Prelude, a Mitsubishi VR-4, and a Toyota Camry. I rolled up and says, "hey there fellas, I got $1000 bucks says me and Cletus here'll kick yer azz after 10 minutes of peddle stompin'. Whatya' say boys, wanna see what Cletus has got here?" These kids looked at me like I was nuts, in rusty old Cletus, and said, "sure dude, just be ready to give up the cash."

So I drove 'em down the local oval, where Towny Don is the owner. I says, "Hey Towny, you gonna' let me and the kids have at it for a few minutes at the track here?" Towny says, "sure," and opens the gates. We all drive in, and Towny runs up behind as soon as everyone is in and locks the gates behind.

I tell'm kids to line up all around the track, and they look at me in confusion, but anything for a thousand bucks, right? Suddenly Towny gets on the PA...

"The first rule is, you do not talk about Demolition Club. The second rule is, you DO NOT TALK about Demolition Club. The third rule is, there is no driving out... Fights will go on as long as your car runs. The forth rule is, since I've locked the gate and there'* no way out, you have to fight!"

The kids looked at each other in horror as I gunned my mighty station wagon, gave my battle cry and stomped the gas! "WAAAAAAHOOOOOOOO, YIE, YIE, YIE, YIEEEEEEE!!" With my 5 point safety harness in place, and surrounded by a full ITS class roll cage, I slammed into the back of the Civic! Damn, them ground effects come off easy! The kid went unconcious, so I knew I could get that car later. Suddenly, I notice the Toyota tryin' to take off. Ha ha ha, no sir 'e Bob!! I nail reverse to the floor and clip the front of his car. I see the lights go out as the front end of his car collapses into a pile a rubbish! What the?! I thought these foreign cars were supposes ta be tuff!!The driver is slumped over in the passenger side! HAha, now I was havin' too much fun, and the Prelude guy was settin' himself up to ram his way out the gates. He steps on the gas and tries to get through. I nail Cletus and just barely block the gate in time! The 'lude slams into the side of my wagon, and my car bounces up, into the gate, and back down. I taste the trickle of blood from my nose! OOHhh, now you wanna' get serious eh? My Chevy is still runnin' as strong as ever and I see the kid in the 'lude is half hangin' out the door of his car, the front end all smashed to h3ll with a small fire startin' under the hood. Somethin' tells me he'* done. And there goes the Mitsu!!!I slam Cletus in reverse and chase the VR-4 around the track. But he'* a little too quick, so I cut across the infield and blindside his rear quarter, knocking his driver side wheel into the stands! Damn, that came apart easy. Directly ahead of me, I see the Civic kid start to wake up, so I nail the gas and slam into his drivers side...ewwwwwww, what a goey mess that became. I guess I'll just write him off! The VR-4 is now trying to drive on three wheels. I get a good runnin' start around the oval, and get her up to about 90mph. As I come around, I see the VR4 limping to the middle. Ha ha ha, no sir! I take direction and go head on at 90 into the VR-4! BAMN!!! I see the driver of the VR-4 come flyin' through the windshield and onto my hood, just when the Mitsu explodes! ha ha ha, how tuff was that? Kinda’ reminded me of a Pinto!! Cletus is still runnin so obviously these imports ain't so durable and reliable after all. Couldn't even hang with an old wagon with a average V8.

I decided that the fun was over and called a wrecker and the coroner to clean up the mess. After a couple a hours and a few beers, Demolition Club was all over. I drove home feeling a h3ll of a lot better about driving my old, domestic station wagon.
 
Old 02-06-2003, 11:19 PM   #2
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i thought u werent sposed to talk about demolition club..
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Old 02-06-2003, 11:22 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DrSuess
i thought u werent sposed to talk about demolition club..
hmm... i didnt know it applied to me... lol
 
Old 02-07-2003, 02:37 AM   #4
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lol, ok!
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Old 02-07-2003, 05:29 PM   #5
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What in god'* name?

That scares me because there are hicks around here that love to try that.
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Old 02-22-2003, 12:33 AM   #6
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That was a great story. Straight from "Tails lights from the Crypt".
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Old 02-22-2003, 01:20 AM   #7
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"Tails lights from the Crypt":
I like that
 
Old 02-22-2003, 11:44 AM   #8
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That was funny, yet pretty scary at the same time.
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