.i was wondering if it was possible to get the rear defrost to activate when the car was remotely started (the starter i have has 4 programable options for negative / and or positive pulses that can occur at various times)

has anybody done this and if so how difficult is it ( i know that when you push the button it activates a timer, and i don't have ecc) it would be nice to have the rear window as well as the front defrosted on a cold winter morning

I don't recall it being done before but sure its possible. Someone with a bit more know-how/factory service manual will probably chime in

Only thing you'll have to do is take one of the 4 channel wires from the alarm and tap it into the wire that has no ground when the rear def. is off.

I don't have any material in front of me, but I'm pretty sure that circuit is low voltage at the switch/button, so you shouldn't need a relay.