Ok, went to back out of the garage, put the key in, turned it and it wont turn on. It will turn just a little bit (almost to the acc position, the radio will actually come on and the shifter will "unlock") but the key will turn no further.

Any ideas wtf would cause this?

FWIW, I did notice the steering wheel isn't locked. With the key off and not even in the ignition the steering wheel doesn't lock, and it always has in the past. Maybe the lock is somehow broken and is causing it??? I'm open to any ideas because the car can't be driven the way it is.

Try resetting the shifter, maybe its not fully in park. Can you get it to shift into neutral?

I'm thinking the way that I believe PDad is, that perhaps the shift cable is out of adjustement. If you can get into neutral, try adjusting it with the procedure Here

Is this in a GP or the SSEi? I'm not sure on the 2000+ Bonneville'*, but on the W-bodies there'* a little hole to stick a pen in to unluck. My buddy'* 99 Regal did this once and that was the trick.

The key turns on far enough for the shifter relay to "unlock". If I turn the key off with the shifter in park, the shifter wont move, and if I turn it as far as it turns it will release the shifter and I can put it in any gear I want. I put the shifter in park numerous times, hit it every which way to make sure it was "fully" in park.

I believe the issue probably has to do with the steering lock not functioning properly. I was hoping maybe there is a fuse or something causing this though...

Its on the '00 SSEi. Its not like on the GP'*, there isn't any sort of a release there (their ignition is on the steering column whereas the '00+ bonnie is on the dash) and I don't believe that is the problem anyways. Its like there is something wrong with the ignition causing it to not be able to turn past a certain point (it does move to a certain extent, not like occasionally when it won't turn at all and messing with the steering or shifter fixes it). I sat there and messed with it for a good 45 minutes probably moving the steering wheel and shifter all around, didn't do ****.

Actually, Shawn, there is a shift/park lock cable associated with the switch that will affect how the ignition switch works. I know it will keep the switch from going all the way to lock if not in park when it'* shut off. as I've goofed a couple of times. Never tried it the other way around. The instructions for replacing the switch refer to it.
Ignition Switch Replacement

Do you have another key to try?

Yes, tried both sets.

Yes, but it will only prevent the ignition from turning completely off, not the other way around. However, maybe somehow that part is broken or something because I can put it in neutral and take the key out with it how it is now...

I had the same problem once with my '02 SE. This required replacing the lock cylinder. Of course yours may be a different cause, but this sounds a little suspicious.

I'm pretty sure that, at least on the 2000+'*, there'* no steering wheel lock when the key is taken out. There'* a post about that somewhere here in the forum.

Occasionaly, i have the problem of my key not wanting to turn, but i attribute it to the lock cylinder. If you've tried both keys and you can take your key out of the ignition in "neutral", then maybe the lock cylinder is going out. You shouldn't be able to take the key out of the ignition in any gear (except 'Park' of course).