Seeking Help
10-27-2006, 01:54 PM
#21
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Originally Posted by Maymybonneliveforever
BLACK94SSEi, I sense the frustration, and am glad you're hanging in there.
Again these are my opinions and you can take it for what it'* worth or just put me on ignore but here it goes again.
Put yourself in your son'* shoes, if you told him you would always be there for him and then say that you we're putting him in a boarding school for his own good, at the age of 12, how would you take that? He has been moved around somewhat…….. now put him in a stable environment.
I think that you and you're GF need to work this out, and come to an understanding; then when your frustration is showing; (due to its high level) have her take over so you can take a breather.
I have a good friend (single parent with BF) that is going through this same problem and she agrees with our advice BUT, she always tells us how hard it is, and can't maintain that 100% rule so her daughter always pushes that rule. That 100% is so important.
I'm not going to make this longwinded, since you have enough on you're plate.
In conclusion:
Set rules and maintain them 100%
Discipline when rules aren't met
Reward when progress is made.
Always show love, support and that you're always there for him.
I will repeat one thing, this will be harder than you can imagine, and since at this point he is set in his ways, it'* going to be very difficult to change his mindset.....are you up for the challenge?
EIT: in rereading my posts I think I may have voiced some strong opinions, therfore this will be my last post on this subject.
Please don't take offense to anything I have written.
Again these are my opinions and you can take it for what it'* worth or just put me on ignore but here it goes again.
Put yourself in your son'* shoes, if you told him you would always be there for him and then say that you we're putting him in a boarding school for his own good, at the age of 12, how would you take that? He has been moved around somewhat…….. now put him in a stable environment.
I think that you and you're GF need to work this out, and come to an understanding; then when your frustration is showing; (due to its high level) have her take over so you can take a breather.
I have a good friend (single parent with BF) that is going through this same problem and she agrees with our advice BUT, she always tells us how hard it is, and can't maintain that 100% rule so her daughter always pushes that rule. That 100% is so important.
I'm not going to make this longwinded, since you have enough on you're plate.
In conclusion:
Set rules and maintain them 100%
Discipline when rules aren't met
Reward when progress is made.
Always show love, support and that you're always there for him.
I will repeat one thing, this will be harder than you can imagine, and since at this point he is set in his ways, it'* going to be very difficult to change his mindset.....are you up for the challenge?
EIT: in rereading my posts I think I may have voiced some strong opinions, therfore this will be my last post on this subject.
Please don't take offense to anything I have written.
I was the one who chose to save my son from the abuse he had to go through at his mothers house for nearly close to 5 years, and although I wanted to get him out of there sooner by going through the courts, I quickly realized what I stood to lose should my ex get the judges order of custody, which 90% of women do. Even the family probate lawyers were telling me my chances are slim of getting him. Talk about frustration!!
I even called DSS (Dept. of Social Services) To lodge a complaint of abuse. At the time I only knew of the verbal abuse as well as the BF being a drunk and the ex smoking weed around the house while my son was in the next room playing video games.
DSS told me that those were not reasons to remove my son from the household unless he was being beaten or left sitting in his crap!!
Eventually, It took one of her BF'* kids to complain to their grandparents that my ex pulled one of them by the hair, then the grandparents called DSS and even then did not remove the kids from the house. They "Work with" the family to try and resolve any issues. I guess you have to pretty much beat them to a pulp in order for them to take action :? But anyways, Ive gone through ALLOT and my life has been an emotional rollercoaster and it hurts sooo much to give your life to your kid then have them treat you the way mine has been treating me. Trust me im hanging in there because i have to, and im doing what I can to resolve the issues and I feel im taking the necessary steps, but its taking its toll on me.
And Ill tell you now that everything will be coming out of his room this weekend. Just another step in the process. I just hope that this will pass. I know it will, but right now its not so enjoyable to be going through what im going through while having to deal with other everyday life challenge
10-27-2006, 02:08 PM
#23
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wow its tough keeping up with replying to everyone lol. But yeah Ive spoken to his doctors with no real solution. They say time will fix this along with continued counseling.
To make this short, just think how you would parent your child from birth, and all of the things you would do to help them have a successfull life. I have and am doing all of those things, but the fact that he has had 5 years of living hell, will take time to fix and I know this, but I wanted to seek out some suggestions on how to deal with what im going through.
theres no easy way, and im doing the best that I can like allot of parents. I just hope my efforts pay off eventually. This is just a very very hard and difficult thing to be going through and although its not the worst, it is long lasting and has effected me and the people around me.
I will see what the doctors say at the end of the week and take it from there.
To make this short, just think how you would parent your child from birth, and all of the things you would do to help them have a successfull life. I have and am doing all of those things, but the fact that he has had 5 years of living hell, will take time to fix and I know this, but I wanted to seek out some suggestions on how to deal with what im going through.
theres no easy way, and im doing the best that I can like allot of parents. I just hope my efforts pay off eventually. This is just a very very hard and difficult thing to be going through and although its not the worst, it is long lasting and has effected me and the people around me.
I will see what the doctors say at the end of the week and take it from there.
10-27-2006, 02:18 PM
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Hang in there. I know you are mentally exhausted from the constant barrage he is throwing at you. There is no telling what his mother told him about you. He may be harboring feelings of resentment against you because of something she said. Kids always take things to heart especially when their parents are apart.
There is no question as to how much you love your son. Right now you are fighting for his chance to have a happy future. Keep up the good work, you will eventually make some progress.
There is no question as to how much you love your son. Right now you are fighting for his chance to have a happy future. Keep up the good work, you will eventually make some progress.
10-27-2006, 02:29 PM
#25
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well i kinda know what your going through. my sister is 26 yrs old and she went nuts on my parents at the age 15. Neither of her real parents wanted her.so my grandparents took her. She had sesuires up to the age of 13 then they went away. She took ridilen for that too. She made straight As in all her classes. Then one day she snaped. She tried to kill me, she chased me around the house with a butcher knife. She hit my parents, called the cops on them when they would make her go to her room. My paretns are the age of 72 and 60. they couldnt really control her. Its sad to say and I hated this more than anything, they sent her to 3 different mental institutions, but none of them could handle her. She ran away when she got out of them and ended up in juvy. Well she met some guy moved in with him and was pregnat at 17 . Now she has 3 kids been divorced 2 times, cant control her own kids because she lets them do whatever they want. but they listen to my parents and me. they are really good kids. But because of the way she used to act, they think its ok cause she lets them. If she would have more control over them and acctually disipline them and not let them off the hook 5 mins later then they would listen more. the oldest is only 7 and has been in more trouble than i could ever imagne a 7 yr old getting in. the middle one is 5 and beats up on the older one. the baby is only 1 and wow can you say trouble? Its sad to say but if your ex is such a bad influence on your son, and you have full custody, and the judge is making you let him go to her then i would talk to the judge and say this is whats going on and then get it to where she can have no custody of him whatso ever or visitation rights or anything. cause it seems like she is the problem. like several people have said if he is in a stable disiplined area then he will straighten up not right away, but soon. As far and you and ur gf arguing, yall need to sit down and talk about it calmly and come to some agreements on how to handle it. Maybe even both of you sit your son down and try to talk to him too. Explain to him what you expect. Make a list of chores to do, if you have to get a babysitter for him. Let him know you are being serious and this is a serious matter. Always know who his freinds are, find out if they have some kind of influence on the way he acts. But there is always going to be one friend who he can talk to about anything. Dont take that way from him though because kids need their friends. One of my nieces used to be really bad and stole stuff alot my brother got fed up wiht it and called a friend of his that was a cop and had him come out and act like he was gonna take her to jail and it scared her so bad the thought of going to jail, but it worked she hasnt done it since she was 13 at that time. I dont agree with it very much, but you gotta do what you gotta do to get through to kids.
10-27-2006, 02:35 PM
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The only advice I can come up with (luckily, my divorce was much smoother than most peoples) is document everything humanly possible. Especially if you're going to try and fight for custody.
The slightest sign of physical abuse, get to the doctor'* office and get that documented. Get everything you can think of officially documented somehow. Then you will be well armed for your case.
You mention fighting with your GF about the issue. You never specify what issue you fight about, and I ain't gonna ask, but...
My persoanl feelings on this are if I were in your situation, I felt my daughter should move in with me, and The Missus disagreed... Too freakin bad. Leave if you must, but my children are a priority over any relationship.
The slightest sign of physical abuse, get to the doctor'* office and get that documented. Get everything you can think of officially documented somehow. Then you will be well armed for your case.
You mention fighting with your GF about the issue. You never specify what issue you fight about, and I ain't gonna ask, but...
My persoanl feelings on this are if I were in your situation, I felt my daughter should move in with me, and The Missus disagreed... Too freakin bad. Leave if you must, but my children are a priority over any relationship.
10-27-2006, 05:53 PM
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Originally Posted by MOS95B
The only advice I can come up with (luckily, my divorce was much smoother than most peoples) is document everything humanly possible. Especially if you're going to try and fight for custody.
The slightest sign of physical abuse, get to the doctor'* office and get that documented. Get everything you can think of officially documented somehow. Then you will be well armed for your case.
You mention fighting with your GF about the issue. You never specify what issue you fight about, and I ain't gonna ask, but...
My persoanl feelings on this are if I were in your situation, I felt my daughter should move in with me, and The Missus disagreed... Too freakin bad. Leave if you must, but my children are a priority over any relationship.
The slightest sign of physical abuse, get to the doctor'* office and get that documented. Get everything you can think of officially documented somehow. Then you will be well armed for your case.
You mention fighting with your GF about the issue. You never specify what issue you fight about, and I ain't gonna ask, but...
My persoanl feelings on this are if I were in your situation, I felt my daughter should move in with me, and The Missus disagreed... Too freakin bad. Leave if you must, but my children are a priority over any relationship.
He has custody already
10-28-2006, 01:08 PM
#28
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Yes I already have custody but not through any courts. Time prevailed and my ex finally had enough of the defiance my son gave her. So we both agreed that my son would live with me.
Ever since my son got his 6 months probation, my ex said that he should stay with me to avoid getting into trouble at her house. I couldnt be more happy to know that my son doesnt have to go there every other weekend.
Instead, my mother takes him and theres no troubles. He actually listens to her. At least I know that were on the right path though and thats what counts, even if its going to take a couple more years :?:
I just want to thank everyone for their Moral support and their input while going through this rough spot. You all have been very helpful in more ways than one and I really appreciate it!! Some of you have even opened my eyes to see that there are worser things that can happen in life, and were not alone even though we feel like it.
Thanks again everyone!!
Ever since my son got his 6 months probation, my ex said that he should stay with me to avoid getting into trouble at her house. I couldnt be more happy to know that my son doesnt have to go there every other weekend.
Instead, my mother takes him and theres no troubles. He actually listens to her. At least I know that were on the right path though and thats what counts, even if its going to take a couple more years :?:
I just want to thank everyone for their Moral support and their input while going through this rough spot. You all have been very helpful in more ways than one and I really appreciate it!! Some of you have even opened my eyes to see that there are worser things that can happen in life, and were not alone even though we feel like it.
Thanks again everyone!!
10-28-2006, 11:07 PM
#29
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Originally Posted by BLACK94SSEi
Yes I already have custody but not through any courts. Time prevailed and my ex finally had enough of the defiance my son gave her. So we both agreed that my son would live with me.
Ever since my son got his 6 months probation, my ex said that he should stay with me to avoid getting into trouble at her house. I couldnt be more happy to know that my son doesnt have to go there every other weekend.
Instead, my mother takes him and theres no troubles. He actually listens to her. At least I know that were on the right path though and thats what counts, even if its going to take a couple more years :?:
I just want to thank everyone for their Moral support and their input while going through this rough spot. You all have been very helpful in more ways than one and I really appreciate it!! Some of you have even opened my eyes to see that there are worser things that can happen in life, and were not alone even though we feel like it.
Thanks again everyone!!
Ever since my son got his 6 months probation, my ex said that he should stay with me to avoid getting into trouble at her house. I couldnt be more happy to know that my son doesnt have to go there every other weekend.
Instead, my mother takes him and theres no troubles. He actually listens to her. At least I know that were on the right path though and thats what counts, even if its going to take a couple more years :?:
I just want to thank everyone for their Moral support and their input while going through this rough spot. You all have been very helpful in more ways than one and I really appreciate it!! Some of you have even opened my eyes to see that there are worser things that can happen in life, and were not alone even though we feel like it.
Thanks again everyone!!
Alicia
10-29-2006, 01:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Damemorder
Now, you may be wondering why a stimulant is used to treat hyperactivity, but you're not a doctor, so give up any hope of understanding.
in the simplest terms: theres 2 parts of the brain that "communicate" with each other threw electronic waves and such, and add/adhd is where 1 of the 2 parts of the brain is not recieving all of the waves that the other one is putting out because the one is moving faster, and simply all that ritilin and other drugs do is speed up the slower part so that they communicate at the same rate making there attention better.
this is the most simple/general explanation but it gives youa general sense of why they use a stimulant. of course there is more chemistry and medical stuff involved but i thought i would try to help
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