Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old'* voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough , however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh" it'* already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man say they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Leggos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 - year old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jello.

15. VCR'* do no eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonder. First grade... true story:

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said.. Holy Sh*t!! A talking pig!"

Uh, I never seen any one of my current 3 cats puke up twice there body weight.

With 2 of my own kids I can relate to most of those.

Nice post Todd, maybe it will give the younger-soon to be parents a better perspective of having kids.

Kids know it all.

I don't think I ever want kids now

"I think he said.. Holy Sh*t!! A talking pig!".....that got the coffee to leave the mouth! Nicely done Todd. I need a good chuckle to start my day on a positive note!