What is wrong with my girlfriend's parents?
 

First let me give you a little background information. I am 19 and my girlfriend Hillarie just turned 18. We are both honor students and don't party. We both get straight A's. We have been together for 2 years and 4 months.

Her parents finally raised her curfew to midnight and have been letting her do a lot more things. They went camping last night and so she stayed home alone. When they got home today they blamed us for inviting a bunch of people over because they thought there were firework burns in their driveway. For one, this is not true.. she stayed home alone, and i took her home around 10:30 and we watched tv for a while then i went home. Secondly, I don't have any fireworks and quite frankly how do you find firework burns in an asphalt driveway? But, that's not the point. She was over at my house tonight and we were watching a movie. Her parents call her and yell at her because we supposedly had a bunch of people over and that she shouldn't have brought a bag of tortilla chips to my house to eat today, becuase her mom was going to use them for dinner. So she starts crying and all this crap........so i guess i have a question.

What would drive parents to be such a pain to her when she doesn't deserve to be treated like this? She never does anything wrong and doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. I try to comfort her but at the same time, I have no respect for her parents. This kind of thing happens all the time and it's ridiculous.

My overall question is this... I have a good head on my shoulders and I just can't wrap my brain around the fact that they do this kind of thing all the time. Why do they find the need to always put the blame on her? This is not healthy for her mind. Usually it's over things that don't matter. But my biggest problem is that my girlfriend always tells me she is in the way at home, and that she is sorry about everything. Often her mom turns things she forgets into my girlfriend's fault. I think it's manipulative and painful for her.

I don't know who else to talk to... because no one can change the way her parents act. In a year from now she will be in college and all this will be history... but it's just really hard to deal with right now...

I guess all I am asking is for a mature opinion and advice for what we should do here.

Well, you can always be there for her. I know my ex's parents were crazy. They over exaggerated everything and were paranoid and pretty much the same way your gf's parents sound. You can't confront them, that's the least effective thing you could possibly do. If you think they don't respect your girlfriend, you can only imagine how little they may respect you. If you do anything to make them mad, they are just going to spitefully make it hard for you two. What I did was get in good with the family. I helped them out when they needed it, I helped my gf and her parents reach compromises in their arguments, and I built them a computer...stuff like that.

Eventually they thought of me as the positive influence on her life. They still do, and they keep calling me and asking me if we'll get back together. :lol:

Well see, I am a good influence and I bring her home on time, everytime. We have never been late, or done anything against their word. I have fixed computers for them and their family business. They respect me, they just treat us like children. I am in college and I am ready to be treated like an adult. But most of all I don't like getting blamed for crap that I didn't do. I could care less about how they treat me though, I just don't like the way they treat her.

Her parents expect her to act grown up when it's to their convenience, but when it's time for her to ask them for something, she's treated like a child. It's so manipulative and soo wrong. It makes me really mad, but I have never done anything to disobey them, and I have never confronted them. It only makes it worse. Sometimes my girlfriend has a temper and i always tell her to just chill out and go to bed or something... no reason to fight fire with gasoline.

Dude, at least they trust her enough to let her be with you. One of my girlfriend's parents were so twisted that they made her call them every 30 minutes, or else they'd call the cops on me. For some reason, they HATED me. ESPECIALLY the mother, and her brother. idk what it was... I guess they always thought I wanted to have sex with her, yet I was the one who broke up with her because she wanted to. Heh, adding on to that, I remember one day I picked her up because her mom had forgotten. When I got home, her mother called my home phone. She said that if I ever had her in my car again, that she'd not only call the cops, but have her father come and hunt me down with his shotgun (they LOVED their guns :roll: ). First time I've ever been threatened, at 17. People... :roll:

Is she an only child? It sounds like she might be and that the 'rents are having a hard time accepting that shes growing up and technically an adult now. Its called 'cutting the cord' lol. My wife has the same problem always treating her kids likes like KIDS. Heck the youngest is 21 and she tells him to clean his room, put a belt on,... :roll:

She's the oldest of 3 children... i wish she was the youngest, because by that time the parents could care less. Well at least I know it could be worse. :shock: But I do go out of my way to help them out and stuff. They are just so inconsistent... some days they trust me and others they don't. It's very confusing. Is this just something time will solve or should I be doing more?

Oldest kids always get it the worst. I'm the youngest. I had no curfew from when I was 16 on. My parents bought me beer, etc...
My brother wasn't so lucky.

best thing i can tell you is to just do what you have been doing. Don't give the parents any reason to dislike you or yell at her if you can help it. When they do go nuts like that just take it and shrug it off. you can't change an their minds of anything so theres no point in trying. Like you said, she will be off in college in a year and it will all change. Hopefully she is going AWAY for school. otherwise nothing will likely change. Getting her out of the house will put a lot of these problems to rest for the school year at least. Parents aren't easy to let go... They usually mean well but i don't think that every parent realizes that their good intentions are really driving their children off the deep end! its my theory, and others too i'm sure, that is children like your girlfriend that are then ones that will go nuts in college... because her parents have been so hard on her once she gets the freedom she'll run wild. I'm not saying thats what she will do, but i think you see what i mean.

anyhow. i'm sorry to hear of the frustration but really the best you can do is nothing at all. be there for her, and maybe tell her of your frustration just so she understands why you are doing nothing. if you two connect on that mental level then it will all be OK. ;)

Thanks, I just had to make sure I was doing the right thing. I appreciate the help.

I am going to speak as a parent. Dude, until you are living together, and paying for things on your own, you need to listen to the "rents". Look, why are parents like this, because most of the time we actually give a damn about what our DAUGHTERS are doing! You are a guy, hey no big deal, but things are a bit different for a girl. Just trust me on this. My brother had a lot more freedom than I did.

You could be the greatest guy on the face of the earth, it will not matter, you are still a guy, and we don't like it when our daughters get hurt. It has nothing to do with you, you are the enemy, you are the one who is taking away the daughter.

Just be polite, respectful, and honest, parents like that.