Friday Quittin' Time One-Liners (PG-13)
03-31-2006, 04:23 PM
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Friday Quittin' Time One-Liners (PG-13)
A little ammo for the bar tonight....
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!
What'* the best thing about Alzheimer'* disease?
You get to meet new people every day!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They've got boyfriends already.
What is the similarity between a woman and laxative?
They both irritate the crap out of you!
What'* the difference between a lawyer and God?
God doesn't think he'* a lawyer.
Why is the space between a girl'* ***** and hips called the waist?
Because you could put another pair of ***** in there!
Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backwards?
They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.
Why are electric trains like a mother'* breasts?
They were both designed for the kids, but it'* the fathers who are always playing with them.
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her ***** went.
Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.
What'* the medical term for a female-to-male sex change operation?
Strapadictomy.
What'* the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito quits sucking when you smack it.
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
They don't have balls to scratch.
What is the definition of making love?
Something a woman does while a guy is boning her.
What do rednecks do for Halloween?
Pump kin!
What'* the biggest problem for an atheist?
No-one to talk to during an orgasm! (Oh, God!)
What is 60 foot long and smells like pee?
A conga line in an old folks home!
What'* the difference between Bill Clinton and JFK?
One got his head blown off and the other was assassinated.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!
What'* the best thing about Alzheimer'* disease?
You get to meet new people every day!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They've got boyfriends already.
What is the similarity between a woman and laxative?
They both irritate the crap out of you!
What'* the difference between a lawyer and God?
God doesn't think he'* a lawyer.
Why is the space between a girl'* ***** and hips called the waist?
Because you could put another pair of ***** in there!
Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backwards?
They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.
Why are electric trains like a mother'* breasts?
They were both designed for the kids, but it'* the fathers who are always playing with them.
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her ***** went.
Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.
What'* the medical term for a female-to-male sex change operation?
Strapadictomy.
What'* the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito quits sucking when you smack it.
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
They don't have balls to scratch.
What is the definition of making love?
Something a woman does while a guy is boning her.
What do rednecks do for Halloween?
Pump kin!
What'* the biggest problem for an atheist?
No-one to talk to during an orgasm! (Oh, God!)
What is 60 foot long and smells like pee?
A conga line in an old folks home!
What'* the difference between Bill Clinton and JFK?
One got his head blown off and the other was assassinated.
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