Ok, a couple people here have met my roommate. Here is some background info:

I moved into this apartment with two of my friend, one a girl, and one a guy. been friends with both for a while and lived with the female 6 months prior to moving in here. They were dating when we moved in. right before thanksgiving they broke up. Things have been tense here, especially for me being friends with both of them and trying to keep peace.

Anyways, fast forward to New years time. She was going to be in NYC with her friends, so my other roommate and I were going to have a party. We started planning it. When she found out, she wasn't really happy. Well, then the transit strike hit and her plans were up in the air, so she said she was going to be here for NYE and didn't want to have a party and just have a quiet NYE here. Well, the other roommate decided he didn't want to be here since she was and decided to try and go to baltimore. Then we all left for xmas break. When myself and my male roommate returned, he said he couldn't go and was just going out around Rochester. I decided I'd drive him around for a bit and then have a few friends over to my place to hang out a bit cause I figured she'd be ok with it. So that was the plan. I told my friends that I would let them know the day of or day before cause that'* when she was supposed to come back.

Well, NYE came and at 5pm she still hadn't come back, I called my friends and told them that I wasn't having people over since I hadn't gotten to talk to her. They all had backup plans thankfully. So I went out with my roommate and went a bunch of places. When we got back to our place at 2am, she was not there, so kinda worried and kinda wondering why she wasn't there, I called her. The conversation went something like this:

me: "hey, where are you? I thought you were coming back today."
her: "oh, I'm in NYC with my friends"
me: "oh really, thought it was cancelled?"
her: "it was, but we decided to go at the last minute"
me: "when did you decide to go?"
her: "2-3 das ago"
me: "oh, and you didn't think it would be good to let us know this so we wouldn't worry and could plan accordingly?"
her: "Oh.... I didn't think it would be a big deal. So did you guys go out?"
me: "yea, we went to the bar then our friends and back to the bar. We are just getting home"
her: "Did you guys have people over?"
me: "nope cause we though you were going to be here"
her:"GOOD" * this was said in the snotty good-thats-what-i-wanted kinda way

Now this pissed me off and I hung up. she tried to explain it later saying she thought it was good we got to go out, (and have to drive and worry about all that) than stay in (and only have to worry about making it upstairs), but i knew and was confirmed by a mutual friend that she purposely did it to try and make her ex have a bad time. she stated she didn't want us to have the party cause she didn't want stuff to get ruined and cause she didn't want people go in her room.

ok, forward to last weekend. Thom and I decided to have a party to make up for new years. We told her about it 5 days in advanced and she got upset. Came back later and said she wanted to be here when we have parties cause she didn't want people to go in her room (actually she want to make sure her ex doesn't sleep with anyone) So she was out of town and we have the party. It was pretty good and we had a good time. at the end of the night, there are just a couple pretzels on the ground and some cups and cans on the tables. We cleaned it up the next day or so and things were good.

So she said she wanted to have a birthday party for her friend'* 21st, so we agree that she can and ner ex and I were going to a concert then hang out with some friends. So she has her party and at 2am her ex and I return home. There is still 4-6 people still here. We walk in the back door and this nauseating smell of vomit, skunked beer, mixed fruit and sweat hits us like a brick. We then step into the kitchen and our shoes are sticking to the floor. this continues into the dining room, living room, up the stairs and into the bathroom. There are bags of garbage in the kitchen, cake on the floor, some red liquid stained on the board that was being used as a side board (it is the top to my old coffee table that didn't fit in my room) And there are cups and bottle all over the front porch with ice cream and cake stuff. He and I just leave, as I had to go pick up a friend and he couldn't stand the smell. So we take my friend home and then went back and it still smells. She is cuddling on the couch with a guy watching TV (which prior we had decided that neither of them would do that until she was ok with it. Hope she'* ok the first time he brings someone back cause her cuddling with the guy made it ok in my book) I just go to sleep when we get back.

This morning I wake up at 1 an the house still smells of all of the above, just slightly less than the night before. Everything stayed where it was from the night before, just the cuddle buddy had went home the night before. It wasn't til 7:30pm that she decides to start cleaning. I talked with her a little bit about it and she was just going to sweep the floor. not even wash it. So I said it needed to be cleaned with water or something. So she uses a swifter with vinegar to "clean" it. It'* still sticky. didn't even do the stairs or bathroom. And looking through our stuff, she used some of our alcohol.

So at this moment, the house has a faint smell still, the floors still feel dirty. The stairs and bathroom are still sticky and the garbages are all full. My board is covered in red something and starting to deform and some alcohol is missing and much of the stuff is not where it was beforehand. Needlesstosay, I am a little pissed at the moment.

[/rant]

The only thing I regret about moving in with a roomate is the girl situation, especialy considering I am with his ex at the moment. This makes it sorta bad becuase everytime we are in the living room or something she feels unconfortable..but yeah to maintain a good relationship with my roomate and my girl at the same time is quite hard to do....

But parties I have never had a problem with though just as long as people he invites over dont steal my stuff.

All I can say is thank god when I move back to an appartment this summer.



Either way I dont know how long your current situation is going to hold up. sounds like someone is going to have to move out or talk it over.

Geoff...I don't envy you bud. Good luck on the situation.

BTW.. after the trip out there and knowing the situation better than most. That part about cleaning with water or something really cracked me up.

Honestly, I'm surprised that you managed to handle that calmly, if it was me, I would be yelling, chasing people with a knife, just fully pissed off but you, remarkably calm. I gotta give you props.

*claps hands repeatly*

I have some experience in a similiar situation. I had a 2 bedroom split apartment with one of my Ex GF'* after we broke up (also my best friends sister too). We were on really good terms still and still hung out a lot before hand. Then she got the new BF and he moved in. That was a mess I wish never happened.

As I see it you have 2 choices.

1) Stay calm and collective and write off most of what happened and work towards getting everything settles down...

or

2) You can confront her and your other roommate about the whole situation. If you do this way be sure that it is a group discussion and not a 2 vs 1 situation or you will be met with much resistance and resenment. Talk about what happened and figure out how to avoid issues like this in the future.

Either way you go you have positive and negative outcomes. I can't tell you which way to lean since I am not in a position to do so (nor is anyone else on here), but if it bothers you this much, I'd do something about it, or it will only continue to keep happening and probably get worse as time goes on.

PS: if at all possible, don'ttry to "one up" her by doing something back. That'll only blow up the problems.

hope my endless typing helped somewhat.

Best of luck!

You never really know people until you have to live with their bad habits.

I hating rooming with people. The last time was while I was on the night shift Roommate decided to have some people over. A couple of them decided my bedroom, where I was trying to sleep, would be a good place to check out.

I was nowhere near as polite in that situation as you were in yours...

That is just plain wrong! I would set her straight and make her clean up her mess. I'd be sure to tell her no more parties for her since she can't act maturely. Stick her in that closet and be done with her. Stanky wench! You and your friend did good with your party and was considerate of all involved. She could care less!

Having dealt with somewhat of a similar situation with a roommate and I[ I lived with 1 other guy and two girls in detroit]. Same sorta circumstances where stuff gets trashed when they have a party and our partys get cleaned up by the stragglers before leaving. We both decided to take on extra hours and kick the two girls out.

I guess the advice would be if you two can afford the place, and dont mind her being gone. Talk to her about it and make her clean up the ****, otherwise tell her the alternative to get out.