APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: THIS APPLICATION WILL BE INCOMPLETE AND REJECTED UNLESS ACCOMPANIED BY A COMPLETE FINANCIAL STATEMENT, WORK HISTORY, LINEAGE, AND CURRENT MEDICAL REPORT FROM YOUR DOCTOR.
1. NAME_________________________________
DATE OF BIRTH___/___/___
2.HEIGHT__________________WEIGHT___________IQ_____ _GPA_______
3. SOCIAL SECURITY#______________DRIVERS LIC#_______________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK___________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS______________CITY/STATE_______________ZIP_______
6. DO YOU HAVE ONE MALE AND ONE FEMALE PARENT?_______________
IF NO, PLEASE EXPLAIN___________________________________
7. NUMBER OF YEARS PARENTS MARRIED?____________________
8. DO YOU OWN A VAN?________________MOTORCYCLE?______________
TRUCK WITH OVERSIZED TIRES?___________WATERBED?____________
DO YOU HAVE AN EARRING?____NOSE RING?____BELLY BUTTON RING__
9. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEANS TO YOU?______________________________________________ ____
10. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES LATE MEAN TO YOU?______________________________________________ __________
11. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES ABSTINENCE MEAN TO YOU?__________________________________________
12. CHURCH YOU ATTEND?________________________
13. WHEN WOULD BE THE BEST TIME TO INTERVIEW YOUR FATHER?_________MOTHER?___________PRIEST?_________ _
14. ANSWER BY FILLING IN THE BLANK. PLEASE ANSWER FREELY, ALL ANSWERS ARE CONFIDENTIAL (THAT MEANS I WON'T TELL ANYONE)
A. IF I WERE SHOT, THE LAST PLACE ON MY BODY I WOULD WANT WOUNDED IS THE ________________
B. IF I WERE BEATEN, THE LAST PLACE I WOULD WANT BROKEN IS MY _____________
C. A WOMAN'* PLACE IS IN THE ______________
D.. THE ONE THING I HOPE THIS APPLICATION DOESN'T ASK IS _________
E. WHEN I FIRST MEET A GIRL, THE THING I NOTICE FIRST IS HER ________
(NOTE: IF THE ANSWERS STARTS WITH A T OR AN A, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES, KEEPING LOW AND RUNNING IN A SERPENTINE FASHION IS ADVISED.)
15. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE IF YOU GROW UP?________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL OF THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION,ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_________________________________
SIGNATURE (THAT MEANS YOU SIGN YOUR NAME)
THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST. PLEASE ALLOW FOUR TO SIX YEARS FOR PROCESSING. YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED IN WRITING IF YOU ARE APPROVED. PLEASE DO NOT CALL OR WRITE (AS IT WILL CAUSE YOU INJURY)
__________________

This needs to be made available to every parent when they leave the hospital with their new born daughters

Lol...I agree with Pmom! I'm gonna have to print me up one of those in about 5-6 years.

I have actually even pre-empted this by ruling that my daughters can not date until they turn 35.
Unless I die first.

When my 12 year old daughter was born, I started welding up a stainless steel braided chastity belt and have no intentions of making a key. I'm almost done.

The day my daughter was born, I said she isn't dating until I'm dead lol. And mind you, I had her at 16

Die??? If I die, I've promised to haunt her until I feel she'* old enough to date.

40 oughta do it....

40 huh? That works for me.
As far as haunting, I think by the time i leave tis planet I'll have had enough to never want to come back.
Pearl, you were a pretty wise 16yr old!

saving for future reference.

good luck with this guys, speaking from experience you've lost the war as soon as they are born I do find it funny my son-in-law said the same thing when the twins were born , haha, just 5 years ago I couldn't keep in out of the house.