At the Urban Legends Reference Pages, people often write in and ask questions in regards to what may or may not be a myth. Recently, the site has posted a list of questions that are either impossible to research or are just too damn stupid to bother with.

Always willing to lend a hand, I would like to take a swing at a few of these.

if anyone understands what im saying please e-mail me at this e-mail adress.
does anyone here bilieve that there are aliens in other planets? who really made us is there really a god? im not saying there isnt but who made god? seriously please answer back at me

Um...OK. This one really is stupid. I mean, most people wonder if there is or isn't a God at some point in their lives, but to truly think the good people at ULRP have the definitive answer? Whoever this writer is, you are a moron.

Oh. And yes, there are aliens in other planets. And they are watching you. All the time...

I just read a blurb that pre-packaged foods can cause people to turn gay because of too much estrogen. If I was only allowed one question for snopes, I would ask if this is true. Is it?

Yes, it is true. The real insidious detail is the fact that this estrogen was planted in the food by those damn aliens who are constantly watching you.

Now, the sad part. I'm pretty sure you haven't been growing all your own food your whole life....so....welcome to gayness!

They say that if a person has a pet cat and dies, if the person'* body is not found fairly soon after death, the cat, having not been fed, will become ravenously hungry and eat the dead person'* face off — JUST the face!
Is this true? My cat often looks me in the face. I used to think he was just being friendly. Now I know he'* just sizing me up, like a chef at a butcher shop, waiting for "the big day". Since hearing this rumor, every time my cat licks his chops it gives me the *******!

Yes. It is true. Cat'* are huge on face eating. Felines were the inspiration for the film Alien.

And the way that cat has been looking at you...seriously, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! NOW!

A friend of mine asked me if I've ever hear of invisible witches or ghosts that suck the blood out of a person'* arm while they are sleeping. Apparently, she saw "marks" on her boyfriend'* arm and this was the story that he told her.

Now some cynics would say that your friend is simply gullible as hell and the truth is that her boyfriend had been cheating on her. That the bite marks were from his lover. And that you would be insanely stupid for believing the same load of crap that your friend believed when told this obvious lie by her boyfriend.

I'm not a cynic, so I will tell you the truth.

Yes. There are invisible witches. The thing is, they don't just nibble on you and lap up the blood. They also put estrogen in foods to turn you gay. You know, in cahoots with the aformentioned aliens. The ones that are watching you. Right now...all the time....watching.

Is it true that a girl cannot get pregnant if her mate smokes the seeds of marijuana when he smokes marijuana, please tell me if this is true because a lot of people tell me it is true and a lot of people tell me it'* not and I don't know whaether to believe it or notbecause this town lies a lot. thanks.

Do you happen to live in the same town with the guy who claims to be bitten by invisible witches? No matter...

If your boyfriend smokes the seeds from marijuana he is an idiot and you probably wouldn't want to spawn with him anyway. Hope that helps!

Have you heard anything about a palm rub done when someone is shaking or holding hands that indicates they want to have sex with you? It sounds like some kind of secret sex handshake — and I've heard nothing about it till today.

Yes. It is true. The thing is, it isn't so much a rub as a routine. Did you ever watch The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? The sex-shake is exactly like the ritualized handshake that Will and Jazz would do. You even need to do the "pshhhhhttt" sound at the end, otherwise it alters the meaning of the move.

Is the government really as controlling and secretive as books make them out to be? Are there really tons and tons of secret spies all over the world?

Hell no! The government is your friend. Whoever told you that is probably going to be visited by three men in dark black suits. He will go on "vacation" for awhile. You won't see him again.

But the government loves you.

Is it true that you are more likely to die from a champagne cork than a poisonous spider?

That would really depend upon how many cocktail parties you attend.