Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry.

We need... = I want

It’* your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want... = You’ll pay for this later.

We need to talk... = I need to complain Sure...go ahead = I don’t want you to.

I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!

You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

I want new curtains = ...and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like.

I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

Am I fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you’re dead.

Was that the baby? = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

In response to What’* wrong?:

The same old thing = Nothing

Nothing = Everything

Nothing, really = It’* just that you’re such an idiot!

Ayup...sounds just about right :?

Homer Simpson: It'* funny cause it'* true.