I used to have a Labrador Retriever and one day I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog(?)

On a whim, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV'* in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line, was by now, enthralled with my story, particularly a tall, black man who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I was in the hospital because I had been poisoned by the Purina?

I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car ran over me.
The black man staggered out of the door with laughter!

You are just so clever!! That is a good one! I just wish I knew where you found these gems

Yeah, yeah.... Blah, blah....
You want credit, you post 'em...

No, I just like to contribute to your delinquency

Whew! I guess I got off that diet just in time...I kept getting smacked for sniffing people'* butts.

why doesn't that surprise me