Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- Brooke Shields

"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
- Bob Dole

"Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that."
- Bill Clinton

"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."
- Barbara Boxer, Senator

"I don't think we learned a lesson; I think it was a learning experience for us."
- Shaquille O'Neal

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"
- Dan Quayle

"It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment, it'* the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
- Dan Quayle

"Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points they almost always win."
- Doug Collins, basketball commentator

"It is now 22 minutes past 8:30."
- Lynn Russell, WKAT radio disc jockey

"I wish men had ***** because I like the feel of them. It'* so funny - when I record I sing with a hand over each of them, maybe it'* a comfort thing."
- Baby Spice of the Spice Girls

"Most hotels are already booked solid by people, plus 5,000 journalists."
- Bangkok Post

"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."
- Barbara Boxer, Senator

"City fathers were hoping to raise enough money to erect a new bronze statue of the Duck of Wellington."
- BBC commentator

"I don't think the Republicans can damage my character."
- Bill Clinton, former U.*. President

"I'm someone who has a deep emotional attachment to Starsky and Hutch."
- Bill Clinton, former U.*. president

"Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that."
- Bill Clinton, former U.*. president

"You know the one thing that'* wrong with this country? Everyone gets a chance to have their fair say."
- Bill Clinton, former U.*. President

"Two grand slams in a week - man, that'* seven or eight ribbies right there."
- Bill Madlock, Baseball broadcaster

"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
- Bill Peterson, football coach

"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

"You guys have to run a little more than full speed out there."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

"Next up is the Central African Republic located in central Africa."
- Bob Costas, during the parade of nations in the 2000 Summer Games in Sydney, Australia

"Life is very important to Americans."
- Bob Dole, U.*. Senator from Kansas

"After playing Cameroon in the 1990 world cup finals: "We didn't underestimate them. They were
just a lot better than we thought"
- Bobby Robson

"Cod are not very good swimmers so they are easily overtaken by trawlers and nets."
- British government report on why cod fish are disappearing from the North Sea.

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer

"Where the hell is Australia anyway?"
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer

"It'* nice, it gives you a feeling of security so that if something breaks we know we can always call a guy over and he'll bring a drill or something."
- Brooke Shields, Actress, on why it was is good to live in a co-ed dormitory when she was in college.

"Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
- Budapest Zoo sign

I don't need Bodygaurds - Jimmy Hoffa

Find a copy of "The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said" trust me, it'* worth the pain.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who
died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the
passengers in his car."
--Author Unknown

2) A advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you
get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown

3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?
There'* a support group for that.
It'* called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey

4) "The problem with the designated driver program is it'*
not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into
doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,
drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy

5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball
and saving an infant'* life, she will choose to save the
infant'* life without even considering if there is a man on
base."
--Dave Barry

6) "Relationships are hard. It'* like a full time job, and
we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend
wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.
There should be severance pay and the day before they leave
you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger

7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took
her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,
'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have
better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that
study: "Duh."
--Conan O'Brien

9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm
halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....
I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery

10) "I think that'* how Chicago got started. Bunch of
people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying
the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.
Let'* go west.'"
--Richard Jeni

11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson

12) "Sometimes I think war is God'* way of teaching us
geography."
--Paul Rodriguez

13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida,
but they turned sixty and that'* the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld

14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in
case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line
from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that?
What, do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson

15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.
Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde

16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a
member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain

17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school
student. At least they can find Afghanistan."
--A. Whitney Brown

1 "You can say any foolish thing to a dog,
and the dog will give you a look that says,
'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry

19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"?
Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
--Author Unknown, presumed deceased

20) "Everybody'* got to believe in something.
I believe I'll have another beer."
-- W. C. Fields

And lastly: Why in Hell should I have to Press 1 for
English?
- Author Unknown