todays jokes may contain adult nature





Obessions

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child'* name, Penny,"

He turned to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child'* name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let'* go".

Black Powder

A guy enters a bank to see about getting a business loan.

"What kind of business do you want to start?" asks the bank manager.

"I have some black powder. You sprinkle it on a women'* koochie and it makes it taste like a peach."

"I don't think we can give you a loan." he replied.

So the guy left. A few months later he went into the bank with a wheel barrel filled with money.

The same bank manager said, "Congratulations, I guess that idea for black powder really paid off."

"Nah, that didn't go anywhere. I made my money with this white powder."

"Really," replied the bank manager. "What does it do?"

"Give me a peach and I'll show you."

Paralyzed Friend

A fellow stops by to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, "My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go get me my shoes please?"

The guest obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend'* daughters, both very good looking. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says: "Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me up here to make love to you!"

They stare at him and say, "That can't be!"

He replies, "OK, let'* check!"

He shouts down the stairs to his friend, "Both of them?"

The reply comes back, "Yes, both of them!"

the back seat

A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at ''Lovers' Cove'' where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.
''NO!'' yelled the blonde.

The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.

''NO!'' the blonde yelled again.

Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.

''Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?'' asked the guy.

''For the last time, NO!'' said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, ''Well, why the hell not?''
The blonde looked at him and said, ''Because I wanna stay up here with you.''

typewriter


A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter.
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".
The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."
The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

art gallery


A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking.

The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?"

The husband replies, "Autumn."