1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat'* mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore fierce growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat'* head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat'* throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat'* head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat'* mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-aid to spouse'* forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour'* shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, so as to leave the head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus jab. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the f'ing cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard'* front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat'* throat to wash down pill.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the ER sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.

: very very true I laughed so hard I cried My cat does that too.

How'* life goin with the hamster??? :

--Christine

Ok, you guys are so good with animals......how the hell do you keep a Boxer from snoring? Nose strips? I'm afraid they'll pull all his hair off the snout in the morning. the older he gets, the worse it is.

Snoring dogs are a RIOT!! My ex'es folks had a poodle that snored. I lughed my butt off everytime I was there. But I didn't have to live with it.

But I can understand your frustration more than I can my wife'*. She claims to be able to hear my mice eating, through 2 closed doors!!

I can sleep through a train going right down the middle of my street. But mick snoring? Not on your life.

I have a better one for you: ever heard a CAT snore??!!! I have. I couldn't figure out where the heck it was coming from till i watched the cat'* breathing.

--Christine

Hold cat in one arm with back legs dangling down. With other hand put a small piece of scotch tape on one of the cats back paws. Place cat on floor and observe reaction.

Better, put a sock over it'* head.

NOTE: Please supervise your pet if you really try this. We don't want Fluffy getting hurt. You, on the other hand, are fair game. You wanna play, you follow the cat'* rules!

Sock not required.

use a rubber band to attatch plastic wraper off of cigarete pack to each of the cats paws, put cat on linoleum and show kitty ur laser pointer!