The Cars of OS
#1
Retired
Thread Starter
The Cars of OS
MS-DOS - You get in the car and try to remember where you put your keys.
Windows - You get in the car and drive to the store very slowly, because attached to the back of the car is a freight train.
System 7 - You get in the car to go to the store, and the car drives you to church.
UNIX - You get in the car and type "grep store". After reaching speeds of 100 miles per hour, you arrive at the barber shop.
Windows NT - You get in the car and write a letter that says, "Go to the store". Then you get out and mail the letter to your dashboard.
Taligent/Pink - You walk to the store with Ricardo Montalban, who tells you how wonderful it will be when he can fly you to the store in his lear jet.
OS/2 - After fueling up with 6,000 gallons of gas, you get in the car and drive to the store with a motorcycle escort and a marching band in procession. Halfway there, the car blows up, killing everyone in town.
MVS/VM - You get in the car and drive to the store. Halfway there you run out of gas. While walking the rest of the way, you are run over by kids on mopeds.
OS/400 - An attendant locks you into the car and then drives you to the store where you watch everybody else buy filet mignons.
NetWare SFT III 3.11 - You put a foot into each car and drive to the store. Halfway there, the two-lane highway divides, ripping you in half. Each car then proceeds to the store without you.
Windows - You get in the car and drive to the store very slowly, because attached to the back of the car is a freight train.
System 7 - You get in the car to go to the store, and the car drives you to church.
UNIX - You get in the car and type "grep store". After reaching speeds of 100 miles per hour, you arrive at the barber shop.
Windows NT - You get in the car and write a letter that says, "Go to the store". Then you get out and mail the letter to your dashboard.
Taligent/Pink - You walk to the store with Ricardo Montalban, who tells you how wonderful it will be when he can fly you to the store in his lear jet.
OS/2 - After fueling up with 6,000 gallons of gas, you get in the car and drive to the store with a motorcycle escort and a marching band in procession. Halfway there, the car blows up, killing everyone in town.
MVS/VM - You get in the car and drive to the store. Halfway there you run out of gas. While walking the rest of the way, you are run over by kids on mopeds.
OS/400 - An attendant locks you into the car and then drives you to the store where you watch everybody else buy filet mignons.
NetWare SFT III 3.11 - You put a foot into each car and drive to the store. Halfway there, the two-lane highway divides, ripping you in half. Each car then proceeds to the store without you.
__________________
Retired Administrator
2002 *-10 5.7 V8
2023 Jeep Rubicon Diesel
Retired Administrator
2002 *-10 5.7 V8
2023 Jeep Rubicon Diesel
#3
Administratus Emeritus
Certified Car Nut
#4
Senior Member
Certified GM nut
That'* almost as old as the Internet, but still just as hilarious. Let me amend:
Windows Vista - One of the flashiest cars in the lot. Comes in a multitude of trims that you can't really tell apart. You can freely drive it for about three miles before the engine shuts down until you supply a valid title and license. Then, it drives rather slowly (except on Microsoft roads) and tries to convert your music to formats that only work on the car stereo. A few cars also randomly explode for no reason, though Microsoft denies this while showing the brochure for the newest model.
Windows 7. Looks and feels just like the Vista car. In fact, the word "Vista" is faintly visible in the paint on the trunk lid below the Windows 7 emblem. It still demands your title and license before it will operate as well. True to the marketing, it runs much faster than the Vista car.
Mac - Once you peel off all of the self-stick plastic wrap, an opening appears on the body. You get in, the belts fasten, the snow leopard-print seats adjust to fit you, and the engine starts by itself. It then figures out what music you like based on your brainwave patterns, begins playing it, and suggests more that you can buy instantly without taking your eyes off the road. However, instead of a steering wheel, gauges, and pedals, there'* only a picture of the road that you can touch with your hands and feet to move the car, find nearby attractions, Google Maps directions, and a square that you can touch to download new apps for the dashboard. Also, the hood is welded shut, but everyone you know says that it won't be a problem, as there are no fluids to change and no tune-ups to perform. The car can even rotate your tires for you while you sleep… although you're not sure how it manages to do that.
Linux - The car is freely available to anyone who wants it. When you order it from the dealership, they look at you funny. Within 20 minutes, several different couriers bring the individual parts to your doorstep, with a 300-page factory service manual detailing how to build the car. After spending several weeks with the manual and a couple of neckbearded acquaintenances who have built their own Linux cars, it gets you to any destination at 100 miles per hour, runs on water, and is quite awesome. However, changing the spark plugs, for some reason, requires you to remove the dash, seats, muffler, left fog light, and repaint a door.
Windows Vista - One of the flashiest cars in the lot. Comes in a multitude of trims that you can't really tell apart. You can freely drive it for about three miles before the engine shuts down until you supply a valid title and license. Then, it drives rather slowly (except on Microsoft roads) and tries to convert your music to formats that only work on the car stereo. A few cars also randomly explode for no reason, though Microsoft denies this while showing the brochure for the newest model.
Windows 7. Looks and feels just like the Vista car. In fact, the word "Vista" is faintly visible in the paint on the trunk lid below the Windows 7 emblem. It still demands your title and license before it will operate as well. True to the marketing, it runs much faster than the Vista car.
Mac - Once you peel off all of the self-stick plastic wrap, an opening appears on the body. You get in, the belts fasten, the snow leopard-print seats adjust to fit you, and the engine starts by itself. It then figures out what music you like based on your brainwave patterns, begins playing it, and suggests more that you can buy instantly without taking your eyes off the road. However, instead of a steering wheel, gauges, and pedals, there'* only a picture of the road that you can touch with your hands and feet to move the car, find nearby attractions, Google Maps directions, and a square that you can touch to download new apps for the dashboard. Also, the hood is welded shut, but everyone you know says that it won't be a problem, as there are no fluids to change and no tune-ups to perform. The car can even rotate your tires for you while you sleep… although you're not sure how it manages to do that.
Linux - The car is freely available to anyone who wants it. When you order it from the dealership, they look at you funny. Within 20 minutes, several different couriers bring the individual parts to your doorstep, with a 300-page factory service manual detailing how to build the car. After spending several weeks with the manual and a couple of neckbearded acquaintenances who have built their own Linux cars, it gets you to any destination at 100 miles per hour, runs on water, and is quite awesome. However, changing the spark plugs, for some reason, requires you to remove the dash, seats, muffler, left fog light, and repaint a door.
#5
Retired
Thread Starter
^^^^ Nailed it right on the head.
__________________
Retired Administrator
2002 *-10 5.7 V8
2023 Jeep Rubicon Diesel
Retired Administrator
2002 *-10 5.7 V8
2023 Jeep Rubicon Diesel
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BonneAlien
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11-06-2002 08:27 PM