Snappy Answers...
04-04-2006, 03:55 PM
#1
Senior Member
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Thread Starter
Snappy Answers...
Snappy Answer #1
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened
his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir,
I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, Do
these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're
dead."
Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day", the cop
said The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could".
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of
him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this
bridge and ran out of gas."
Snappy Answer #5
THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow'* final exam. "Now
class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I
might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness,
or a death in your immediate family but that'* it, no other excuses
whatsoever!" A smart guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the
student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, Well, I guess you'd have to
write the exam with your other hand."
And #6
A pompous minister was seated next to a TEXAN on a flight to Dallas.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The TEXAN asked
for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The
flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He
replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen ****** than
let liquor touch my lips"
The TEXAN looked at the minister, then handed his drink back to the
attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a choice."
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened
his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir,
I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, Do
these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're
dead."
Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day", the cop
said The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could".
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of
him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this
bridge and ran out of gas."
Snappy Answer #5
THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow'* final exam. "Now
class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I
might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness,
or a death in your immediate family but that'* it, no other excuses
whatsoever!" A smart guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the
student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, Well, I guess you'd have to
write the exam with your other hand."
And #6
A pompous minister was seated next to a TEXAN on a flight to Dallas.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The TEXAN asked
for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The
flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He
replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen ****** than
let liquor touch my lips"
The TEXAN looked at the minister, then handed his drink back to the
attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a choice."
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