Keep in mind I am a total nub. I take all these threads, put them together, and try to understand how cars work

From what I am hearing, valves open DOWN pushing into the cylinder?

That would coincide with what I heard earlier that if a valve is open, and a piston reaches TDC, it could bust right through the cylinder essentially blowing it up.

Has my ecclectic knowledge pointed me in the right direction?

at that speed of RPM it would sound like someone Dropped a hand full of screws into your intake ... yes you would hear it

and piston slap is more the piston hitting the cylinder walls ...also not a cool sound at all either

I don't think a stock 3800 would smack the valves to the pistons on valve float ....but if it ever happened... trust me you would hear it... I've witness'd it first hand...

basically if it does happen your car will fall on it'* face power wise .. and your valve train will sound WAY out of adjustment ... or out of oil (if you've ever heard an oil starved valvetrain)

basically your definately hear it if you go into full valve float ... and if it ever happens... you'll know .. you'll cringe.. and if the expensive noises don't go away when you get off the throttle.. you'll cry cause you just bent somethin

That even SOUNDS painfull just reading about it!

Valve float can cause the car not to shift at wot because the engine can never get to the rpm needed to shift.

Forgive my noob question, but what does WOT stand for? I've seen it used a lot, but haven't figured it out yet.

wide open throttle (WOT) I found it!!!!

Very good young padawan...

...but you're not a gearhead yet...

Yes, but the force is strong with me...... I promise I'll return and complete my training.