You spend more time on your girlfriend'* home page than with your girlfriend.
You didn't know that Firefox was also a movie starring Clint Eastwood.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
There'* a permanent ***-groove in your computer chair, but you haven't noticed.
You've said "no" to sex in order to view Internet ****.
You've rationalized installing a mini-fridge, microwave, and port-a-potty at your workstation.
You go shopping every week, but you've never been inside a mall.
You don't believe anything you read in a newspaper unless you verify it on a news site.
You think that 404 is the number of the beast.
You refuse to go outside because of the sun: "it burns! IT BURNS!!"
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading. And you have an ethernet connection right next to the toilet paper.
You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
You crank up your surround-sound whenever leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
When looking at a pageful of someone else'* links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos.
You can't call your mother...she doesn't have IRC, ICQ, or Instant Messaging.
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
You have commandeered your teenager'* phone line for a secondary net connection in case your ADSL goes down, and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.
Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have gender-neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
Your husband tells you he'* had the beard for 2 months.
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy'* got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed.". So you file for a divorce...online.
You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Internet Explorer 5.0 or higher."
You forget what year it is.
You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and add her to the network so the two of you can chat.
You refuse to go on vacation where there'* no electricity, phone lines, or hotspots.
You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a data-enabled cel-phone, and a wi-fi PDA.
You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.