Below are four simple questions. Read each question and answer it as quickly as possible. Don't sit there and analyze the question to death. Answer each question immediately. Do not use pencil or paper! And for Christ'* sake, don't cheat!
#1: You're participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
ANSWER: If you answered that you're first, then you're wrong. If you overtake the second person, you take his place. You're now in second place, dingbat!
Try not to screw the next question up, ok? Also, don't take as much time as you took on the first question (be honest now, you know you took too much time).
#2: If you overtake the last person, then you are in what position?
ANSWER: If you answered that you're second to last, then you're wrong again. Tell me, how can you possibly overtake the LAST person, nimrod! Let'* face it, you may be having a stroke. If you've missed questions #1 and #2, take two aspirin now.
#3 OK, very tricky math question comin' up.
Note: this must be done in your head only. Hide the calculator.
Start with the number 1000
Now add 40
Now add another 1000
Now add 30
Add another 1000
Now add 20
Now add 1000 again
Now add 10
OK, what'* the total?
ANSWER: Did you get 5000? Well, the correct answer is 4100. Don't believe it? Go ahead, grab your calculator, Einstein.
Let'* face it, today is definitely not your day. The probability that you're having a stroke is real. More than likely, it'* occurring on the left side of your brain.
#4: OK, here'* the last question. Mary'* father has five daughters: Nana, Nene, Nini and Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
ANSWER: If you answered Nunu, you're wrong. The fifth daughter'* name is Mary, you dimwit. Read the question again.
Even if you answered the first three questions without error, failing to answer this question correctly is an indication that you're indeed having a severe stroke. Most likely, it'* affecting both sides of your brain. Seek treatment promptly.
This test, known as "Stroke Test V1.5b", was devised by Dr. Jim Strickland. Dr. Strickland is renowned for his work as a neurosurgeon in San Diego'* high tech district. Most of his work is performed at the Karl Strauss Memorial Hospital.