WHY ATHLETES CAN'T HAVE REAL JOBS:
Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan'all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming
season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own
mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe'* Mom, too."
Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996 : "Nobody in
football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to
graduate on time, no matter how long it takes!" (now that is beautiful)
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter
Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to
prison for three years, not Princeton ." (This one is clever.)
Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a
color photo of himself above his locker: "That'* so when I forget how to
spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavy weight Andrew Golota: "He'* a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister'* expecting a baby, and I don'! t know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)
Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, "Coach, I don't know and I don't care." ( My favorite)
Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told
a player who received four F'* and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're
spending too much time on one subject."
Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob
Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded:
"Because she'* to ugly to kiss goodbye". (Dead man walkin')