Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Seems to help...
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
It is called "kicking you when yo are down"
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Same reason people kick car tires when buying
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Doesn't hold **** else together.
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Congress got bored
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Rubbed off on Jane'* inner thighs.
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Might knock loose his breathing apparatus
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Military does a lot of dumb stuff
Whose idea was it to put an "*" in the word "lisp"?
It would be politically incorrect to spell it :Lithp"
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Things evolve at different rates.
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Yes god damnit, the ay my wife and I bought one
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?
YEAH, who does the grocery shopping.
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their
vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
Not as bad as dead bugs in the gauge display
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that'* falling
off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
CHRIST doth dole dat thou droppeth somethingeth andeth fobe banniseed toth HECK!
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
Their cooters get cold
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
FIL'* stay out of the way.