...but fair is fair. Here'* my edited version:
HAZARD MATERIALS INFORMATION SYSTEM
MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET
Men: A Chemical Analysis
1. Surface usually covered with some sort of grease: automotive and/or pizza.
2. Boils with the slightest catalyst, freezes when asked “what are you thinking?”
3. Melts if given a power tool.
4. Bitter if shown up by a female.
5. Found in one stated – rock
6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
1. Has a great affinity for metals used in tools.
2. Absorbs great quantities of alcohol.
3. May explode spontaneously when working on autos
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
1. Highly ornamental – can be found on couch with remote.
2. Can be great aid to relaxation, however battery operated units can be used in its place.
1. Pure specimen remains unchanged when discovered in a natural state.
2. Turns green when placed next to a better specimen.
3. Ability to think decreases when induced with alcohol, yet the stories of past abilities increase.
1. Emits obnoxious gases without warning.
2. Illegal to possess more than one.
3. Most powerful ego ride known to mankind.