A friend sent this to me

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5. The world is your urinal.
6. You don’t have to monitor your friends’ sex lives.
7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don’t give a crap whether you’ve lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don’t rob you blind.
11. When clicking through the channels, you don’t have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
12. Your *** is never a factor in job interviews.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut doesn’t make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. Guy in hockey masks don’t attack you (unless you smash ‘em into the boards).
16. You don’t have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
17. You understand why Stripes is funny.
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don’t have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
26. Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
27. You never have to clean a toilet.
28. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
33. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
34. You don’t have to shave below your neck.
35. None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.
36. You don’t have to curl up next to a hairy *** every night.
37. If you’re 34 and single, nobody even notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
40. Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can be president. (In this lifetime.)
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’* seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people’* feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48. Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana.
50. You can say anything (”Wow, do my balls hurt!”) and not worry about what people will think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn’t live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader’* coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don’t give a rat’* *** if anyone notices your new haircut.
59. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking He must be mad at me.
60. Monday Night Football.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover’* about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one’* just too skeevy.
67. you know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you’re wearing.
69. Same work…more pay!
70. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
71. You don’t have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.
73. You don’t care if someone’* talking about you behind you back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth’* population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You don’t mooch off others’ desserts.
76. If you retain water, it’* in a canteen.
77. The remote control is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
79. ESPN’* SportsCenter.
80. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
81. Bachelor parties whomp *** over bridal showers.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn’t pretend you’re “Freshening up” to go to the bathroom.
85. If you don’t call your buddy when you say you will, he won’t tell your other friends you’ve changed.
86. Someday you’ll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase “**** it.”
88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.
89. Princess Di’* death was just another obituary.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you’re not in the mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93. If something mechanical doesn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don’t blister, cut, and mangle your feet.
95. **** movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You don’t have to remember everyone’* birthdays and anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person doesn’t preclude having great sex with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So…notice anything different?”
99. Baywatch
100. There’* always a game on somewhere.

I hate football.

I hate this even more.

I think the title should be changed to include the word hetrosexual or straight

I'm going to leave that topic alone...I don't want to offend no BC member who is gay.

im just going to step out of this thread too. watch, as i stare at the wall-paper.

didnt you guys get the memo? men arent supposed to be proud to be men anymore. were supposed to be so incredibly sorry.

ya cause ever since women'* rights came into play some things guys like or are proud of get tossed cause women don't approve. Like here in Winnipeg, we have what was once called The Golden Boy, that sits on top of the parliament building, given to winnipeg from europe for a symbol of power of men. But when the brought it down to clean it women'* rights people came in a chopped his man hood off so now it'* The Golden Person. And now they are going to build a Women'* Rights Museum but guess who has to build it. Men, cause women wanted the right to work and play where men work and play but Men still over take women in the construction field but like 50 to 1. At least on the job sites I'm on. I say if the women want a museum for the rights they should build it themselves.

F*ck that.

That list pretty much sums me up. Not kidding either.

That list is funny, even to me. A little rauchy in part, but its so darned long maybe most won't read it. But I do not recommend a "lets blame women for everything" thread.