If I hang around with you, this in no way applies. However, that doesn't mean that you don't know someone who needs to read this. I present to you my confidential to the assholish Mustang owners who are ruining it for the rest of us.
Dear Mustang owners,
I'd like to start off by saying that you're beginning to sour my ownership experience by making me ashamed to associate myself with a group of assclowns. Due to the fact that I'm a veteran Mustang owner, I feel this gives me the right to chastise you for acting like a complete ******* moron. So I offer to you some rules to live by.
1) Get over yourselves! I don't recall any of you being named John Force, so guess what..............you're NOT the fastest. And ya know what else? You will NEVER be the fastest. There'* always going to be someone out there who can and will hand you your ***, especially ALOT of Camaro owners I know.
2) Since when are Mustangs greater than all? Don't even lie..........if you're a true Mustang owner, you bought the car for at least one of these reasons, and hopefully it isn't the last reason. 1) Parts and mods are cheap; 2) they're fun to drive; 3) they're easy to make visually appealing (they are UGLY stock); 4) you're some broke dick who just wanted to be a part of the crowd.
3) If it'* not a Mustang, it must suck, right? Broaden your minds, people. Either you live in a box and haven't lived life at all, or perhaps you're still pissed off at that sweet little Camaro or GTO that blew your doors off. Or maybe it was the Charger that dusted your *** when you "missed three gears" right?
4) Don't feed me your bullshit about Ford loyalty. I too, was a little Ford loyalist.............owning them, and even working in one of their shithole facilities. When push came to shove, I was merely a number. Ford didn't give a **** about the POS lemon SVT they sold me, or the three kids I was trying to feed. They didn't care when they refused to do anything about the vehicle, and they didn't give a **** when they gave me my walking papers FOUR times. So please spare me your bullshit about how great "the company" is. And just to **** you off a little more? My 5 year old daughter could give their designers a run for their money. That is all.
5) You can also save all the little pet names you have for rival cars. While I might roll my eyes, or even let out a little chuckle, don't be fooled..............what I'm REALLY doing the entire time I'm listening to you is just wishing that a lightning bolt would come out of nowhere, making contact with only your cranium.
6) "If I were to buy a $12,000 used Mustang, I could invest like $30,000, and dust a Porsche 911 for SOOOOOOO much cheaper". Who in the HELL are you trying to kid? Now you've resorted to choosing exotics as your enemies as well, and contending you can build a car that handles, brakes, and accelerates equivalent to said model. Uhhhh huh. If that'* the case, why didn't you just buy a 911, smart guy? Oh that'* right............maybe because you're too brokeass to do so?
There ya go. Six easy rules to NOT acting like a complete brainless *******, and making the rest of us look guilty by association. Not everyone hates on anything "Non Mustang or Non Ford". Further, the majority of us would be driving exotics if we had the means. I love my cars, but the big sell was that it was a car I could afford. Also, at the time I bought my cars, it wasn't something every little 17 year old with a bad complexion drove around, bragging about his "2 chamber flowmasters and Cobra R wheels". Oh wait..............we have a new rule to add.........
7) This is specifically for the little 16 year old "I wanna be cool" owners mentioned above. Guess what! Spark plug wires are NOT modifications! Furthermore, your 1/4 glass stickers aren't mods either. While I'm sure you labored for hours over those two items, they're merely accessories. Oh, same goes for that ubergay oversized skull shifter **** too.
So, till we meet again, stop acting brain dead. Until then, I'll be standing up here on my soapbox, waiting to kick you in the face should you approach me.
With much evilness,