Superbowl Joke time...
01-30-2007, 09:15 PM
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Superbowl Joke time...
Found this while reading the Google news...
Its long, so read as much as you want!
http://chicagosports.chicagotribune....home-headlines
We started hearing Super Bowl jokes -- so we figured it'd be a good idea to pull them together and solicit more.
So if you've got a joke, use the form at the right and send it along. Keep it clean; if it isn't, it'* not going to run here anyway. And be sure to include your name and hometown -- we'll credit you too.
Here'* what we have so far:
By Peter Manuel, Chicago
Q. Why can't the Colts ever be serious to win the SUPERBOWL?
A. Because they're always horsing around.
From Kevin, Erie, Pa.
Q. What do you call a Cleveland Brown with a Super Bowl ring?
A. A thief
Q. Why doesn't Columbus, Ohio have a professional football team?
A. Because then Cleveland would want one.
From Lanie, Syracuse, N.Y.
BILLS:
Boy I Love Losing Superbowls
From Steve Klomfar, Roselle
C OUNT
O N
L OSING
T HE
* UPERBOWL
From Chandy, Minneapolis
Q. Three people are riding in a car, two Vikings player and a cop. Who is driving?
A. Naturally, it'* the cop ...
From Tracey Johnston, San Antonio
Q: Why is Peyton Manning so excited about going to the Super Bowl?
A: He knows it'* the only way Eli will ever get to go.
From Tim Koniecny, St. Charles, Mich.
What does the "Lions" stand for?
Losing
Is
Our
New
Strategy
From Scott, Buffalo Grove
After Goldilocks came through and police came by the Three Bears house to investigate, they noticed that Baby Bear was badly bruised and sent him to DCFS.
"Would you like to live with Papa Bear?" the social worker asked Baby Bear.
"No, he beats me," said Baby Bear.
"Would you like to live with Mama Bear?" asked the well-intentioned but somewhat naive social worker.
"No, she beats me too," said Baby Bear.
"Well, who do you want to live with?" asked the social worker.
Baby Bear thought for a moment.
"I want to live with the Chicago Bears. They don't beat anybody."
From Wayne Casey, Colorado Springs
Q. What do you call Bears quarterback on the Colts' 10-yard line?
A. Lost
From K.E. Miller, Dayton
Little Johnny was a Cubs fan and had been called a loser all his life. He rooted for the Cubs every year and every year they lost. Because of this, the neighborhood boys didn't care much for Johnny'* opinion when it came to sports. They didn't think he knew anything about sports if he was going to root for losers every year.
A week before the Super Bowl, Johnny was walking home from school and met up with the neighborhood gang. They decided to tease him.
"Hey Johnny," Sam, the toughest and biggest kid, called to him, "the Super Bowl is coming up. Who are you rooting for?"
All the kids laughed.
Little Johnny hesitated. "I'm a Colts fan," he said proudly.
Sam laughed the loudest of all. "The Colts? Man, you really know how to pick the losers, don't you Johnny?"
A thoughtful look crossed Sam'* face. "Actually, I could use this information. My dad'* going to make a bet with some of his friends about the Super Bowl and if Johnny likes the Colts, then they're definitely going to lose."
A slow smile spread across his face. "My family will be rich."
Sam hurried home. "Thanks Johnny," he called over his shoulder.
Little Johnny stood there confused, then shrugged his shoulders and walked home.
The day after the Super Bowl, Sam and his friends found Johnny and beat him up. "Why are you doing this?" Johnny cried.
"Because the Colts won and my dad lost a lot of money," Sam said. "I thought you only rooted for losers."
"No," Johnny said shaking his head. "I don't like every team from Chicago."
From Mike, Port Orange, Fla.
Lovie Smith was seated in front at a Packers press conference. when the Packers coach asked if there were any questions, Lovie said "I heard a great Packer joke, do you want to hear it?" The coach said, "Lovie, look to your left, that'* our defensive end. He'* 300 pounds and easily irritated. Now look behind you and to your right...both are defensive tackles for the Packers and could beat up anyone. Now, are you sure you want to tell that Packer joke?" Lovie looked at each player, saw how mad they looked and said "Nope! I don't want to have to explain it three times!"
From Glenda Austin, Idabel, Okla.
Why did it take the Colts so long to get back to the Super Bowl? They could not ride their horses.
The reason the Bears made it to the Super Bowl they could not beaaaar being left out.
What do the Bears and the Colts have in common? They both want to be NFL champs but only the best ????????????? will win.
From John Brejcha, Minneapolis
Q. What is the difference between the Colts and Cheerios?
A. Cheerios BELONG in a bowl.
From Dave Reedy, Chicago
BEARS:
Beaten
Easily
As
Rex
Struggles
From Hayward, Frankfort, Ill.
The Colts beating the Bears in the Super Bowl. Is there any joke funnier than that? Not possible but funny to think about.
From Ron Ritchie, Minocqua, Wis.
Breaking News: Tony Dungy is retiring after the Super Bowl and moving to Chicago. Says he wants to get as far from professional football as he can.
From Dan, Munroe Falls, Ohio
A guy from Ohio dies and goes to Hell. He had been a horrible man all his life. The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledgehammer. To make it even worse, he cranks up the temperature and humidity.
After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the Ohioan is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune.
The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this! I've turned the heat way up, it'* humid and you're crushing rocks. Why are you so happy?"
The Ohioan, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Cleveland. Hot, humid and a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"
The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the Ohioan'* remarks.
He then decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain and torrential winds. Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess. Walking in mud up to his knees with dust blowing in his eyes, the Ohioan is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks.
Again, the devil asks how he can be so happy in such awful conditions.
The Ohioan, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It'* just like April in Cleveland. It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"
Now the devil is completely baffled. He is more determined than ever to make the Ohioan suffer. He then makes the temperature plummet. Suddenly, Hell is blanketed in several feet of snow and ice.
Confident that this will finally make the Ohioan unhappy, the devil checks in on him again. He is again aghast at what he sees!
The Ohioan is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in utter glee. "How can you be so happy? Don't you know it'* 40 below zero?" screams the devil.
Jumping up and down the Ohioan throws a snowball at the devil and yells "Hell is frozen over!! This means the Browns won the Super Bowl!!
The Browns won the Super Bowl!!"
From JRS, Sherman Oaks, Calif.
Do you know what Buffalo'* team name stands for?
Boy
I
Love
Losing
Superbowls
From Mike *, Philadelphia
A Colts fan and Bears fan collide in a huge accident on the way to Miami. Both cars are a wreck, but both men are unhurt.
"This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends." says the Bears fan. "I agree," replies the Colts fan.
The Bears fan then returns to the wreckage of his car and finds a bottle of whiskey he had been saving.
"Look," he says to the Colts fan, "this must be another sign from God, we should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival"
He hands the bottle over to the Colts fan who takes a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back to the Bears fan, who then puts the top back on and returns the bottle to his car.
"Aren't you having any?" asks the Colts fan. "No," replies the Bears fan, "I think I'll wait 'til the police get here."
From Matt, Seattle
One day, a joke contest was announced. A fabulous prize would be awarded to the person who told the most amusing joke. The catch - the joke had to be funny to one of the most sour, irritable, least easily amused people in the world.
On the day of the contest, people from all over the world lined up to tell their jokes. Knock-knock jokes, funny stories, one-liners, puns - the man heard them all, and never once cracked a smile.
At long last, a newspaper reporter from the Chicago Tribune came to the head of the line. He pulled a stack of paper from his bag, and said "Judge, I bring before you the most humorous of the jokes originally told by our readers in honor of the Super Bowl."
As he began to read, he was interrupted by an amazing sound - the judge'* laughter! Once he started, it seemed he couldn't stop. Prizes were piled up before the reporter.
As he prepared to leave, he asked what had done the trick. He'd barely started after all, and the first joke wasn't even complete when the judge began to laugh.
"Oh," replied the judge, "it was that first one you told, about original jokes coming from your football fans."
From Troy Sullivan, Shiloh, Ill.
Q. How many Bears does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. The entire defense because you know the quarterback can't do it.
From HoosierNick, Indianapolis
On the first play of the game, Payton Manning broke his arm, so Tony Dungy substituted Tony Stewart. When asked why, Dungy explained. "He'* a better passer and if you try roughing him, he'll make you pay for it"
From Tim in Pittsburgh
Q. What do the Bears and Colts have in common?
A. Yes, both are animals and neither have won 5 Superbowls
From Dan in Troy, Mich.
Q. What do you call 40 guys sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Detroit Lions
From Al Douglas, Lexington, Ky.
Gameday Horror:
I decided to drive the 200 miles to a Colts game one fine Sunday. As I entered Indianapolis, I thought I should make a quick pit stop at the first gas station I came across.
I grabbed a soda and a quick snack and headed to the register. As I was standing there, a sudden, sick feeling came over me. I realized I left my Colts tickets laying in plain view on the dash and my door unlocked. I quickly made my transaction and darted for my car.
As I made my way toward my car, I tried to focus on the area of the dash where my tickets were laying. I could tell from about 15 feet away my worst fears had come true. I was too late. After driving nearly 200 miles there were now 5 Colts tickets on my dash.
From Ron Rolf, Fishers, Ind.
B.E.A.R.* - Being Eliminated After Reaching Superbowl.
C.O.L.T.*. Count On Lombardi This Sunday.
From Marv Gwin, Avon, Ind.
Q: What'* the difference between the Indianapolis Colts and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Indianapolis Colts and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Q: Why do Indianapolis Colts players keep their Wonderlic results on their dash boards?
A: So they can park in the handicap spaces.
From Laura in Bolingbrook
Peyton Manning, after living a full life, died.
When he got to heaven, God was showing him around.
They came to a modest little house with a faded Colts flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Peyton," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here."
Peyton felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a blue and orange sidewalk, a 50-foot tall flagpole with an enormous Bears logo flag, and in every window, a Chicago Bears towel.
Peyton looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I hold many NFL records, and I even went to the Hall of Fame."
God said, "So what'* your point, Peyton?"
"Well, why does Rex Grossman get a better house than me?"
God chuckled, and said: "Peyton, that'* not Rex'* house, it'* mine."
GO BEARS!!!
From David Kreis in Midlothian
A Viking fan, Packer fan and Bears fan all get busted and are given 20 lashes of a whip as penalty. Each person ends up getting one wish for good behavior. The Viking fan starts to cry and asks to be spared. He ends up wishing for a pillow to cover his back. After 10 lashes, the pillow breaks and the Viking fan is left in tears. The Packer fan is next and he begins to beg. He also settles on his wish and asks for two pillows. After 15 lashes, the pillows fall apart and the Packer fan whimpers away. The Bear fan is next and proudly steps forward. The panel of judges, seeing him not start to beg, say they will offer him two wishes for being so brave. The Bears fan thinks for a bit and says, "My first wish is to have 100 lashes." The panel is shocked but grants him this wish. "And for my second wish, I want the Green Bay Packer fan tied to my back."
From Blake Walker in Indianapolis
The Chicago Bears took the field for their first Super Bowl practice in Miami. Not long after the practice started a Bear offensive player noticed a white, powdery substance on the field. Practice was immediately stopped and experts were called in to examine the substance. With recent scares about anthrax, officials worried that terrorists had somehow gained access to the field. A group of nervous Chicago players stood and watched as the substance was examined. Finally the tests were completed and the experts revealed that the powder was just the chalk dust from the goal line. It was an understandable mistake considering the Bears' offense seldom got near that area of the field.
From Steve in Rosemount, Minn.
Q: Why did it take so long for the Indianapolis Colts to get to Miami? A: Their Mayflower truck broke down on the way....
Q: Why are the Colts Staying at the Miami Motel6? A: Because when you're used to traveling in the middle of the night, it helps to have a light left on for you.
Q: Why couldn't the Colts upgrade to a nicer hotel? A: Not enough 'Mayflower Miles'....
From Brad Miller in Butternut, Wis.
There is a little known fact that Indianapolis' team name actually stands for something -
COLTS -
Count
On
Losing
The
Superbowl
From Andy in Indianapolis
Brown Bear, Brown Bear,
What do you see?
I see a blue horse looking at me.
Blue Horse, Blue Horse
What do you see?
A Silver Trophy: Lombardi
A man had 50-yard line tickets for the Bears NFC championship game. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No," he says, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Championship game and not use it?"
"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first game we haven't gone to together since we got married in 1949."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That'* terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."
A first-grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Indianapolis Colts fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Colts fans too. Not really knowing what a Colts fan was, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air.
There is, however, one exception. Kelly has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Colts fan" she reports.
"Then," asks the teacher," What are you?"
"I'm a Chicago Bears fan," boasts the little girl.
The teacher asks Susie why she is a Bears fan.
"Well, my Dad and Mom are Bears fans, so I'm a Bears fan too," she responds.
"That'* no reason," the teacher says. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?"
Kelly smiles and says, "Then I'd be a Colts fan."
Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in a Chicago park when a crazed Rottweiler suddenly attacks one of the boys. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his hockey stick, shoves it under the dog'* collar, twists it and breaks the dog'* neck, saving his friend.
A reporter is standing by, sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
"Sox Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he writes in his notebook. "But I'm not a Sox fan either," the little boy replies.
"Sorry, but since we're in Chicago, I just assumed you were," says the reporter. He starts writing again.
The reporter starts writing again.
"Young Cubs' Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Cubs' fan," says the little boy.
The reporter replies "Sorry, but since we're in Chicago, I just assumed you were"
"Bears Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Dog Attack," he writes in his notebook. "I'm not a Bears fan either," says the boy.
"Oh ... I assumed everyone in Chicago was either for the Sox, Cubs or Bears. What
team do you root for?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Colts' fan," the boy replies.
The reporter starts a new sheet in this notebook and writes:
"BOY FROM INDIANA KILLS BELOVED FAMILY DOG"
Copyright © 2007, ChicagoSports.com
Its long, so read as much as you want!
http://chicagosports.chicagotribune....home-headlines
We started hearing Super Bowl jokes -- so we figured it'd be a good idea to pull them together and solicit more.
So if you've got a joke, use the form at the right and send it along. Keep it clean; if it isn't, it'* not going to run here anyway. And be sure to include your name and hometown -- we'll credit you too.
Here'* what we have so far:
By Peter Manuel, Chicago
Q. Why can't the Colts ever be serious to win the SUPERBOWL?
A. Because they're always horsing around.
From Kevin, Erie, Pa.
Q. What do you call a Cleveland Brown with a Super Bowl ring?
A. A thief
Q. Why doesn't Columbus, Ohio have a professional football team?
A. Because then Cleveland would want one.
From Lanie, Syracuse, N.Y.
BILLS:
Boy I Love Losing Superbowls
From Steve Klomfar, Roselle
C OUNT
O N
L OSING
T HE
* UPERBOWL
From Chandy, Minneapolis
Q. Three people are riding in a car, two Vikings player and a cop. Who is driving?
A. Naturally, it'* the cop ...
From Tracey Johnston, San Antonio
Q: Why is Peyton Manning so excited about going to the Super Bowl?
A: He knows it'* the only way Eli will ever get to go.
From Tim Koniecny, St. Charles, Mich.
What does the "Lions" stand for?
Losing
Is
Our
New
Strategy
From Scott, Buffalo Grove
After Goldilocks came through and police came by the Three Bears house to investigate, they noticed that Baby Bear was badly bruised and sent him to DCFS.
"Would you like to live with Papa Bear?" the social worker asked Baby Bear.
"No, he beats me," said Baby Bear.
"Would you like to live with Mama Bear?" asked the well-intentioned but somewhat naive social worker.
"No, she beats me too," said Baby Bear.
"Well, who do you want to live with?" asked the social worker.
Baby Bear thought for a moment.
"I want to live with the Chicago Bears. They don't beat anybody."
From Wayne Casey, Colorado Springs
Q. What do you call Bears quarterback on the Colts' 10-yard line?
A. Lost
From K.E. Miller, Dayton
Little Johnny was a Cubs fan and had been called a loser all his life. He rooted for the Cubs every year and every year they lost. Because of this, the neighborhood boys didn't care much for Johnny'* opinion when it came to sports. They didn't think he knew anything about sports if he was going to root for losers every year.
A week before the Super Bowl, Johnny was walking home from school and met up with the neighborhood gang. They decided to tease him.
"Hey Johnny," Sam, the toughest and biggest kid, called to him, "the Super Bowl is coming up. Who are you rooting for?"
All the kids laughed.
Little Johnny hesitated. "I'm a Colts fan," he said proudly.
Sam laughed the loudest of all. "The Colts? Man, you really know how to pick the losers, don't you Johnny?"
A thoughtful look crossed Sam'* face. "Actually, I could use this information. My dad'* going to make a bet with some of his friends about the Super Bowl and if Johnny likes the Colts, then they're definitely going to lose."
A slow smile spread across his face. "My family will be rich."
Sam hurried home. "Thanks Johnny," he called over his shoulder.
Little Johnny stood there confused, then shrugged his shoulders and walked home.
The day after the Super Bowl, Sam and his friends found Johnny and beat him up. "Why are you doing this?" Johnny cried.
"Because the Colts won and my dad lost a lot of money," Sam said. "I thought you only rooted for losers."
"No," Johnny said shaking his head. "I don't like every team from Chicago."
From Mike, Port Orange, Fla.
Lovie Smith was seated in front at a Packers press conference. when the Packers coach asked if there were any questions, Lovie said "I heard a great Packer joke, do you want to hear it?" The coach said, "Lovie, look to your left, that'* our defensive end. He'* 300 pounds and easily irritated. Now look behind you and to your right...both are defensive tackles for the Packers and could beat up anyone. Now, are you sure you want to tell that Packer joke?" Lovie looked at each player, saw how mad they looked and said "Nope! I don't want to have to explain it three times!"
From Glenda Austin, Idabel, Okla.
Why did it take the Colts so long to get back to the Super Bowl? They could not ride their horses.
The reason the Bears made it to the Super Bowl they could not beaaaar being left out.
What do the Bears and the Colts have in common? They both want to be NFL champs but only the best ????????????? will win.
From John Brejcha, Minneapolis
Q. What is the difference between the Colts and Cheerios?
A. Cheerios BELONG in a bowl.
From Dave Reedy, Chicago
BEARS:
Beaten
Easily
As
Rex
Struggles
From Hayward, Frankfort, Ill.
The Colts beating the Bears in the Super Bowl. Is there any joke funnier than that? Not possible but funny to think about.
From Ron Ritchie, Minocqua, Wis.
Breaking News: Tony Dungy is retiring after the Super Bowl and moving to Chicago. Says he wants to get as far from professional football as he can.
From Dan, Munroe Falls, Ohio
A guy from Ohio dies and goes to Hell. He had been a horrible man all his life. The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledgehammer. To make it even worse, he cranks up the temperature and humidity.
After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the Ohioan is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune.
The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this! I've turned the heat way up, it'* humid and you're crushing rocks. Why are you so happy?"
The Ohioan, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Cleveland. Hot, humid and a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"
The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the Ohioan'* remarks.
He then decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain and torrential winds. Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess. Walking in mud up to his knees with dust blowing in his eyes, the Ohioan is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks.
Again, the devil asks how he can be so happy in such awful conditions.
The Ohioan, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It'* just like April in Cleveland. It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"
Now the devil is completely baffled. He is more determined than ever to make the Ohioan suffer. He then makes the temperature plummet. Suddenly, Hell is blanketed in several feet of snow and ice.
Confident that this will finally make the Ohioan unhappy, the devil checks in on him again. He is again aghast at what he sees!
The Ohioan is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in utter glee. "How can you be so happy? Don't you know it'* 40 below zero?" screams the devil.
Jumping up and down the Ohioan throws a snowball at the devil and yells "Hell is frozen over!! This means the Browns won the Super Bowl!!
The Browns won the Super Bowl!!"
From JRS, Sherman Oaks, Calif.
Do you know what Buffalo'* team name stands for?
Boy
I
Love
Losing
Superbowls
From Mike *, Philadelphia
A Colts fan and Bears fan collide in a huge accident on the way to Miami. Both cars are a wreck, but both men are unhurt.
"This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends." says the Bears fan. "I agree," replies the Colts fan.
The Bears fan then returns to the wreckage of his car and finds a bottle of whiskey he had been saving.
"Look," he says to the Colts fan, "this must be another sign from God, we should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival"
He hands the bottle over to the Colts fan who takes a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back to the Bears fan, who then puts the top back on and returns the bottle to his car.
"Aren't you having any?" asks the Colts fan. "No," replies the Bears fan, "I think I'll wait 'til the police get here."
From Matt, Seattle
One day, a joke contest was announced. A fabulous prize would be awarded to the person who told the most amusing joke. The catch - the joke had to be funny to one of the most sour, irritable, least easily amused people in the world.
On the day of the contest, people from all over the world lined up to tell their jokes. Knock-knock jokes, funny stories, one-liners, puns - the man heard them all, and never once cracked a smile.
At long last, a newspaper reporter from the Chicago Tribune came to the head of the line. He pulled a stack of paper from his bag, and said "Judge, I bring before you the most humorous of the jokes originally told by our readers in honor of the Super Bowl."
As he began to read, he was interrupted by an amazing sound - the judge'* laughter! Once he started, it seemed he couldn't stop. Prizes were piled up before the reporter.
As he prepared to leave, he asked what had done the trick. He'd barely started after all, and the first joke wasn't even complete when the judge began to laugh.
"Oh," replied the judge, "it was that first one you told, about original jokes coming from your football fans."
From Troy Sullivan, Shiloh, Ill.
Q. How many Bears does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. The entire defense because you know the quarterback can't do it.
From HoosierNick, Indianapolis
On the first play of the game, Payton Manning broke his arm, so Tony Dungy substituted Tony Stewart. When asked why, Dungy explained. "He'* a better passer and if you try roughing him, he'll make you pay for it"
From Tim in Pittsburgh
Q. What do the Bears and Colts have in common?
A. Yes, both are animals and neither have won 5 Superbowls
From Dan in Troy, Mich.
Q. What do you call 40 guys sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Detroit Lions
From Al Douglas, Lexington, Ky.
Gameday Horror:
I decided to drive the 200 miles to a Colts game one fine Sunday. As I entered Indianapolis, I thought I should make a quick pit stop at the first gas station I came across.
I grabbed a soda and a quick snack and headed to the register. As I was standing there, a sudden, sick feeling came over me. I realized I left my Colts tickets laying in plain view on the dash and my door unlocked. I quickly made my transaction and darted for my car.
As I made my way toward my car, I tried to focus on the area of the dash where my tickets were laying. I could tell from about 15 feet away my worst fears had come true. I was too late. After driving nearly 200 miles there were now 5 Colts tickets on my dash.
From Ron Rolf, Fishers, Ind.
B.E.A.R.* - Being Eliminated After Reaching Superbowl.
C.O.L.T.*. Count On Lombardi This Sunday.
From Marv Gwin, Avon, Ind.
Q: What'* the difference between the Indianapolis Colts and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Indianapolis Colts and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Q: Why do Indianapolis Colts players keep their Wonderlic results on their dash boards?
A: So they can park in the handicap spaces.
From Laura in Bolingbrook
Peyton Manning, after living a full life, died.
When he got to heaven, God was showing him around.
They came to a modest little house with a faded Colts flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Peyton," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here."
Peyton felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a blue and orange sidewalk, a 50-foot tall flagpole with an enormous Bears logo flag, and in every window, a Chicago Bears towel.
Peyton looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I hold many NFL records, and I even went to the Hall of Fame."
God said, "So what'* your point, Peyton?"
"Well, why does Rex Grossman get a better house than me?"
God chuckled, and said: "Peyton, that'* not Rex'* house, it'* mine."
GO BEARS!!!
From David Kreis in Midlothian
A Viking fan, Packer fan and Bears fan all get busted and are given 20 lashes of a whip as penalty. Each person ends up getting one wish for good behavior. The Viking fan starts to cry and asks to be spared. He ends up wishing for a pillow to cover his back. After 10 lashes, the pillow breaks and the Viking fan is left in tears. The Packer fan is next and he begins to beg. He also settles on his wish and asks for two pillows. After 15 lashes, the pillows fall apart and the Packer fan whimpers away. The Bear fan is next and proudly steps forward. The panel of judges, seeing him not start to beg, say they will offer him two wishes for being so brave. The Bears fan thinks for a bit and says, "My first wish is to have 100 lashes." The panel is shocked but grants him this wish. "And for my second wish, I want the Green Bay Packer fan tied to my back."
From Blake Walker in Indianapolis
The Chicago Bears took the field for their first Super Bowl practice in Miami. Not long after the practice started a Bear offensive player noticed a white, powdery substance on the field. Practice was immediately stopped and experts were called in to examine the substance. With recent scares about anthrax, officials worried that terrorists had somehow gained access to the field. A group of nervous Chicago players stood and watched as the substance was examined. Finally the tests were completed and the experts revealed that the powder was just the chalk dust from the goal line. It was an understandable mistake considering the Bears' offense seldom got near that area of the field.
From Steve in Rosemount, Minn.
Q: Why did it take so long for the Indianapolis Colts to get to Miami? A: Their Mayflower truck broke down on the way....
Q: Why are the Colts Staying at the Miami Motel6? A: Because when you're used to traveling in the middle of the night, it helps to have a light left on for you.
Q: Why couldn't the Colts upgrade to a nicer hotel? A: Not enough 'Mayflower Miles'....
From Brad Miller in Butternut, Wis.
There is a little known fact that Indianapolis' team name actually stands for something -
COLTS -
Count
On
Losing
The
Superbowl
From Andy in Indianapolis
Brown Bear, Brown Bear,
What do you see?
I see a blue horse looking at me.
Blue Horse, Blue Horse
What do you see?
A Silver Trophy: Lombardi
A man had 50-yard line tickets for the Bears NFC championship game. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No," he says, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Championship game and not use it?"
"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first game we haven't gone to together since we got married in 1949."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That'* terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."
A first-grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Indianapolis Colts fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Colts fans too. Not really knowing what a Colts fan was, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air.
There is, however, one exception. Kelly has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Colts fan" she reports.
"Then," asks the teacher," What are you?"
"I'm a Chicago Bears fan," boasts the little girl.
The teacher asks Susie why she is a Bears fan.
"Well, my Dad and Mom are Bears fans, so I'm a Bears fan too," she responds.
"That'* no reason," the teacher says. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?"
Kelly smiles and says, "Then I'd be a Colts fan."
Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in a Chicago park when a crazed Rottweiler suddenly attacks one of the boys. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his hockey stick, shoves it under the dog'* collar, twists it and breaks the dog'* neck, saving his friend.
A reporter is standing by, sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
"Sox Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he writes in his notebook. "But I'm not a Sox fan either," the little boy replies.
"Sorry, but since we're in Chicago, I just assumed you were," says the reporter. He starts writing again.
The reporter starts writing again.
"Young Cubs' Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Cubs' fan," says the little boy.
The reporter replies "Sorry, but since we're in Chicago, I just assumed you were"
"Bears Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Dog Attack," he writes in his notebook. "I'm not a Bears fan either," says the boy.
"Oh ... I assumed everyone in Chicago was either for the Sox, Cubs or Bears. What
team do you root for?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Colts' fan," the boy replies.
The reporter starts a new sheet in this notebook and writes:
"BOY FROM INDIANA KILLS BELOVED FAMILY DOG"
Copyright © 2007, ChicagoSports.com
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