Bill: I'm sorry that after you stopped working for me when your prospective new employer called me to ask for a reference, I said "Ficus". Even though I knew he wanted a job reference, I thought an obscure reference would be funnier. Mea Culpa.

Tom: About that one night...I was pretty drunk and I didn't realize that was your wife. For what it'* worth, she'* very good. You are a very lucky man. I'm sorry.

Abram: In retrospect, I guess "Jewboy" wasn't the most affectionate nickname. I'm also sorry about the time you invited me to attend the synagogue to learn about your culture and I arrived wearing a propeller beanie and called it my Yabba-Dabba-Yarmulke. That was rude. I apologize.

The Pizza Guy: I'm sorry that I punched you out and then peed on your unconscious head. I actually did have the money for the pizza. For some reason I just thought the peeing thing would be funnier. I'm also sorry for putting pictures of that incident up on the internet. I didn't expect them to spread that quickly. Apologies.

The Members Of My Old Gym: I'm sorry I kept peeing in the pool. That was wrong.

To The Pope: I'm sorry about...well, I'm sure you remember. Please let me reimburse you for the cleaning bill. Sorry.

Ryan: I'm sorry that for three years I slowly starting driving you insane by having everyone in the office speak backwards when you were around. For what it'* worth, it was pretty funny. At least to us. But that isn't a good excuse. Even though it was funny. I'm sorry.

Lorraine: I'm sorry that our marriage was so rough. I'm also sorry you are still such a raging bitch. OK...I'm sorry I just said that. Sorry.

Mom and Dad: I'm sorry I got drunk and wrecked your car when I was twelve. I am further sorry that I framed the old lady next door who was suffering from Alzheimer'*. That wasn't nice of me. My sincerest apologies.

The Old Lady With Alzheimer'*: Please see above. If you remember. Ha! Just kidding. Sorry.

Tim: I'm sorry that I replaced your medication with Skittles. I can't help but feel a little responsible for the coma you have been in for the past eight years. My bad.

LOL

The pizza guy...hahaha

:

I don't know what this was or where it'* coming from, but for some reason, I laughed so hard that I fell off the throne in my ivory tower and spewed limited edition Perrier all over.

Mom and Dad: I'm sorry I got drunk and wrecked your car when I was twelve. I am further sorry that I framed the old lady next door who was suffering from Alzheimer'*. That wasn't nice of me. My sincerest apologies.