A passer-by noticed an old lady sitting on her front step: "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look! What is your secret for such a long, happy life?"
"I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day", she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big j****. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniel'* every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends I pop a huge number of pills and do no exercise at all."
"This is absolutely amazing at your age!!!!", says the passer-by. "How old are you?"