Another Stinkin' Lawyer!.......
While working general duty one day a call went out for a traffic member to respond to an MVA with injuries. As I was in that general area and could respond quicker I attended the location. On arrival I noted a 4x4 Jimmy had failed to negotiate a sharp turn and had driven into a residents rock garden. To make matters worse the vehicle was wedged up against a tree and the driver coudn't get out. A bystander advised me the driver was having difficulty breathing so I managed to bend the tree and get the door open.When I opened the door I noted two things, a case of beer on the floor of the passengers side, and a horrible aroma. Ambulance attendants and the traffic member arrived on scene, and I explained to the traffic member there was a possibility the driver was impaired. Much to our dismay we managed to get the driver out of the vehicle. The driver turned out to be a high priced lawyer in a 3 piece suit. The funny part about the whole thing was the accident. He left Work early because he wasn't feeling well. Before going home he stopped and had a beer with the boys. As he was driving home I guess the flu was getting the better of him. He tried to pass gas as he was negotiating this turn and instead passed a whole lot more! He was caught by surprise and lost control of the vehicle. We laughed for days over that one. Not too often you see a lawyer in a predicament like that! He was not impaired thankfully cause he wasn't getting in the back of my pc! ........A.L. Lambie, RCMP


Deflating Experience!.......
This is long but... We had caught a rape suspect one evening several hours after it occurred. We went by to get the victim for an ID but she had two children and couldn't leave. I volunteered to watch the kids while my partner transported. I stood on the balcony of the apts having a smoke and my attention was drawn to flickering candles below. Through some mini blinds I could see a man caressing a naked lady. The view was hazy but clear enough to see what was taking place. As I watched he climbed on top and began making love to her.. she didn't move. He apparently finished and got up, covering the lady. He covered the body completely, head to toe, tucking the covers under like he was wrapping a cadaver. It appeared to me as if I was watching an actual case of necrophilia, compounded by all the burning candles as sort of a shrine. He then laid next to the body and began rubbing her body through the covers. She never moved or showed any signs of response.I thought I was actually witnessing a case of necrophilia. Upon my partners return, we agreed it needed checking. I knocked on the door and the man asked who it was. When I uttered the immortal word "POLICE!", he killed the light and we could hear rummaging around in the apt. Through the partially closed blinds I could see him moving the body from the bed out of my sight. We banged louder and ordered him to open the door. Just as I was getting ready to kick the door, it opened and we went in. No body. This was a motel room so he couldn't have hid the body that quickly. I went to the bathroom, but nothing. The shower curtain was closed and I was sure she had to be in there. Pulling back the curtain, nothing! As I turned back into the hall I saw a large pile of clothes that might conceal a body. Fearing the worst I pulled some clothes aside and there she was with a big gash in her side.....the inflatable doll the guy was doing!!!! He panicked when we knocked, couldn't get the air out quick enough so "killed" her, hiding her body. The guy was actually doing plastic. Over 10 years and I still laugh about that one. .....Sgt Keith Underwood, South Gate PD, CA