Army Christmas Operations Order 00-5689

Subject: Christmas

1. An official visit by MG Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this
headquarters 25 December 2003. The following instructions will
be in effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit.

a. Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include
indigenous mice. Special stirring permits for necessary administrative
actions will be obtained through the C1. Mice stirring permits will be
processed through the C2 for proper clearances and obtained through
Veterinary Services, ARCENT-KU.

b. Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200
hours, 24 December 2003. See MAJ Dickinson for pre-napping medical
requirements. See MAJ Adams for napping demonstration. Uniform
for the nap will be: Pajamas, cotton, light, drowsing, with kerchief,
general purpose, camouflage; and Cap, camouflage w/ear flaps.
Equipment should have been drawn from home station CIF prior to deployment.

c. Personnel will utilize standard Sharq Market sugar plums for visions to
dance through their heads. Artificially sweetened plums are authorized for
those in the unit weight control program. Specifications for this item will
be provided by the servicing dining facility.

d. Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care.
Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused by
carelessly hung stockings. ARCENT-KU safety officer will submit stocking
hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December 2003,
ATTN: MAJ Salada, for approval.

e. At the first sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring from
their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be taken to
tear open the shutters and throw open the window sashes. PMO Plan (Saint
Nick), Reference LO No. 3, paragraph 6c, this headquarters, 2 February 2002,
will be in effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing.

Section OICs will familiarize all personnel with procedures and are
responsible for ensuring that no shutters are torn open nor window sashes
thrown open prior to start of official clatter. See CPT Donley for hardcopy.

f. Prior to 2400, 24 December 2003, all personnel will be assigned
"Wondering Eye" stations. After shutters are thrown open and sashes are
torn, these stations will be manned.

g. SSG Bekono will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (
deer, rein, tiny, for use of MG Claus' driver who, in accordance with current
directives and other applicable regulations, must have a valid SF56 properly
annotated by Driver Testing; be authorized rooftop parking and be able to
shout
"On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, up Comet, up Cupid, on Donner
and Blitzen".

2. MG Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys.
All units without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, for use during
ceremonies. Chimney simulator units will be requested through SPC Oswalt
on Job Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19
December 2003, and issued on DA Form 3161, Request for Issue or Turn-in.

3. Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting "Merry Christmas to all and to
all a good night." See LTC Pride for demonstration. This shout will be
given on termination of General Claus' visit. Uniformity of shouting is
the responsibility of section NCOICs.

/*/
CHRISTOPHER K. KRINGLE
Colonel, USA
OIC, Special Services

Outstanding. I guess that could be applied to Navy shipboard life also.