New Mortgage = Cheap Food
I think it is fairly obvious that I am big on defending the underdog in all aspects of life.
In the world of gourmet living, that would be something near to my heart...poor people food.
I don't mean BS commercialized stuff like microwave macaroni and cheese soufflé. No, I mean dirt-cheap-I-need-to-eat-so-I-don't-die poor people food.
Fairly common is pasta. Be it ramen noodles or the 20 for $10 boxes of pasta at the grocery, pasta is a great cheap way to stay alive.
While all of those delightful sauces available really add to the meal, they aren't cheap. And therefore, they ain't gonna happen. All you really need to do is hit your grocer'* deli section for those little packets of mayo and ketchup and...poof! A whole meal for less than $3.
Another option is getting a girlfriend/wife/signifigant other who digs cooking. That is a good idea. They will want to cook for you...and They will provide all the food, too. When money is tight, just use your "little brain" to guide you to a good meal.
Then there is poor people soup. If you have ketchup (even some small packets from the deli or a drive thru) and water...you now have tomato soup.
Or buy that crappy pack of frozen mixed vegetables and a can of shredded chicken. Throw it all together in a pot with two gallons of water...simmer for about four hours...and now you have food for a week.
Note: While I ordinarily would never condone the eating of soup, I realize that people need to live. As such, if you are tight on funds, I will overlook your soup eating ways. If you have disposible income and you still eat soup, I probably don't like you.
Even the poorest of people need to splurge every now and again. In this case, we're fans of taking a plain cheese pizza (preferably of the Tombstone variety) and adding about 1/4 inch slices of spam (another great inexpensive staple of the diet) diced up and voila! Gourmet pizza ala poverty.
Actually, here is a poor people pizza tale: When I was a teenager, I was hanging out with a few friends and we decided that we were hungry. What we all desired was a nice pizza. Having no money, we needed a plan.
I called a local pizza joint and made the following statements:
Yesterday, I ordered a pizza from your establishment and I found it to be...well, sub par. As I know that your organization prides itself on quality and customer service, I will allow you this opportunity to deliver another pizza to me at no cost to myself.
Who knows how, but it worked. Twenty minutes later, the pizza guy showed up with our delightful free pizza.
Of course, being idiots, once we had finished the aformentioned pizza, we decided that we would like another one. So I called them again.
Hello. It'* me again. The pizza that was delivered was more than a little disappointing. It arrived cold and it has a very odd aftertaste than makes me more than a little uncomfortable.
They offered to send us another one...but we would have to return the uneaten portion of the previous pizza. Well...there was no uneaten portion. That'* why we needed another pizza.
Basically, here is the lesson: if you pull a scam once, quit while you are ahead of the game.
We just didn't answer the door when the pizza guy arrived. He rang the doorbell for about seven minutes solid. After that, the pizza place refused to deliver pizza to that address...which really didn't affect me because it wasn't my house.
You can eat well when you're poor. You just have to think outside the hot pocket box.
Also, there is always begging for food. Or theft. Either way you get to eat really cheap.
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