New language for Europe
The European Commission has just announced an agreement that English will be the official language of the EU - rather than German (the other possibility). As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty'* Government conceded that english spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a 5 year phase-in of new rules which would apply to the language and reclassify it as EuroEnglish.
The agreed plan is as follows:- In Year 1, the soft 'c' would be replaced by '*'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump for joy. The hard 'c' will be replaced by 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan now have one less letter. ('ch' will remain the same).
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' is replaced by 'f'. This will reduse 'fotograf' by 20%. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e'* in the language is disgrasful and they should eliminat them.
By year 4, peopl wil be reseptiv to lingwistik korektions such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v' (saving more keyboard spas). Duringze fift year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer combinations of leters.
After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrion vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
.....ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!!!!!
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