I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog, Schatzi, and was in line to check out. The woman behind me asked if I had a dog......Duh!! I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no. I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital the last time, but that I'd lost 50 lbs before I'd awakened in the intensive care unit with tubes coming out most of my orifices and IV'* in both arms. Her eyes bugged out of her head.
I went on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was now enthralled with my story, particularly the tall guy behind her.
Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.
I said no.... I'd been sitting in the middle of the street licking my *** when a car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to need to be carried out the door.