*How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be open when she brings it.
*Why do women have smaller feet than men? It'* one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
*Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
*Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
*If your dog is barking at the back door, and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
*How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
*Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
*How do you fix a woman'* watch? You don't, there'* a clock on the oven.