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Join Date: Jan 2005
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Life according to Little Vito [PG13+]
LITTLE VITO ON REASON
A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds
sitting on a fence, and you shoot one of them, how many will
be left?" She calls on Little Vito.
He replies, "None. They will all fly away with the
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four,
but I like your thinking."
Then, Little Vito says, "I have a question for you.
There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop
of ice cream, The second is gobbling down the top and
sucking the cone, the third is biting off the top of the ice
cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well,
I suppose the one that'* gobbled down the top and
sucked the cone." To which Little Vito replied, "The correct answer is
"the one with the wedding ring on", but I like your
LITTLE VITO ON MATH
Little Vito returns from school, and he says he got
an "F" in arithmetic. "Why?" asks Little Vito'* father?
The teacher asked me: 'How much is 2x3?. I said 6,
replies Little Vito. "But that'* right!" says Little Vito'* Dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me: "How much is 3x2?'"
"What'* the f*n difference?" asks Little Vito'*
father. Little Vito exclaims, "That'* what I said!"
LITTLE VITO ON GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the
teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the
word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice correctly.
First, she called on little Suzie , who responded
with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress, and she
looked beautiful in it" "Very good, Suzie ," replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful
banquet, and it turned out beautiful." She said, "Excellent, Michael !"
Then the teacher reluctantly called on Little Vito. He said, "Last night at the
dinner table, my sister told my father that she was
pregnant, and he said, "Beautiful, just f*n beautiful!"
LITTLE VITO ON GETTING OLDER
Little Vito was sitting on a park bench munching on
one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the
bench across from him said to him, "Son, you know eating
all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot
your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Vito replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Vito answered, "No, He minded his own business."
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